Had a fantasy that hit me pretty hard today. It’s nothing unusual for me to get off on the thought of being humiliated by a woman, but I typically fall into the pattern of imagining said woman as beautiful and incisive, a sophisticated domme who for some reason decided to target my kinks. Problem is, that fantasy is so far from reality, in every sense–not only am I unlikely to encounter such a person, but even if I did, she would have no interest in me. So today, I went in a different direction. Who says the woman has to be attractive, or sophisticated?
Suppose a woman showed up at my office–a heavy, brash woman with no sense of appropriate conversation. I’m a quiet, sensitive sort, and loud, insensitive people typically rub me the wrong way. I’m imagining that she managed to strong-arm a group of people into a conversation about sex, and someone reluctantly admits that they’re not getting all the action they’d like. “Oh, yeah?” she responds, “At least you’re getting more than this dickless wonder over here.” I realize that she’s talking about me.
How would I react? Maybe I’d keep my composure, but I’m afraid that I would stutter and blush, completely unable to defend myself. Being so efficiently cut down would be devastating, especially because of who’s doing it. This woman isn’t someone I’d lust after or admire. Given her uncouth way of interacting with people, I might even be tempted to look down on her. But she’s still a woman, and I’m a sexless virgin, so what could I say? She has the power to strip away my stature and dignity with a single remark, no matter how unfair I think it is.
If that happened to me for real, I’m pretty sure I’d be upset. But I’m completely sure I’d jack off furiously to it later, thinking of how easily she exposed the real me. From then on, I probably wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye. And if she decided she enjoyed bullying me? Things would get even worse, and even better. Suppose she told me to get her coffee. At first, I bristle–why would I want to do a favor for someone who humiliated me? But then I feel a strange, tingly weakness inside of me, a need to give in, coupled with a growing erection. Flustered, I dart away, and find my steps taking me to the coffee pot. “Thanks, dickless” she says as I return, barely bothering to look away from her screen.
From there, the fantasy gets more outlandish. I imagine that she decides to mess with me after hours–not because she thinks I’m attractive, but just because it’s funny and empowering to see what she can make me do. She makes me do her chores in ridiculous outfits, then spanks me ruthlessly for every mistake. She has me entertain her by dancing in a tiny thong, as she laughs and records the performance on her cell phone. (People in the office seem to be having hushed conversations and snickering while I’m around after that.) I’m addicted to her attention, and live for the days she lets me rub her feet, while berating me about the fact that I clearly wish I could be jacking off at the same time. I blush and look down as she rewards me with her abrasive laughter. Of course she’s right–she’s always right about me, even when what she says isn’t true, and this time it absolutely is.
Ultimately, this is yet another fantasy that isn’t going to happen. Still, the more I have these thoughts, the more I find myself wondering if the natural fit for me is a relationship that most would consider demeaning, if not dysfunctional. I know I’m not satisfied with being alone. The question is, should I keep trying to try to be normal, or start seriously searching for someone to abuse me? I know the right kind of abuse is hard to find, but maybe the first step is to admit that’s what I need.
Source: pathetic-masturbators