After decades of helping individuals work through their addiction to pornography, I’m still amazed by the consistency of the responses I see in both the addict and those who care about him or her. When one is shackled in porn use, he or she is usually deeply frustrated and greatly perplexed by the power of their addiction—especially by the fact that when they feel the “urge” wash over them, they temporarily jettison everyone and everything they care about to indulge in porn or some other sexual behavior. Afterward, they can’t understand why their will power and self-discipline were so weak! At the same time, those who care about the addict feel tremendous frustration each time he or she gives in to the addiction—“Why can’t you just say no!” “You just need to learn to control yourself!”
To understand why an addict has little or no will power and self-discipline when faced with the overwhelming urge to indulge in his addiction, you must first understand what addiction does to the brain. In the forehead area or Frontal Lobes area of the brain is the control/executive center. This is the most advanced part of our brain—what makes us human. It is the area of the brain that has to do with will, self-discipline, anticipation of consequences, reasoning, planning, and goal-setting. Addictions inhibit this part of the brain and reduce these capacities. This is one reason why addicts are so “surprised” after they have indulged in violation of their own values, beliefs, resolutions, goals, memory of past consequences, etc.
Because addictive behaviors spawn from the Limbic System or reward-pleasure-appetite-emotion-driven part of the brain, and are accompanied by a tidal wave of endogenous chemicals (natural morphine-like chemicals produced by the brain) once the individual makes up his mind to start down the path of indulgence, the frontal lobes are, as it were, “blocked out” dramatically reducing “will-power” and “self-control”. It’s like battling the addiction with only 50%, 30%, or even 20% or less of one’s will, self-discipline, and self-control in operation. This is one reason why people who have never been addicted will say, “Why don’t you just quit”? or “Why don’t you just stop looking at it?” assuming that if they were addicted they could control it.
Of course they arrive at this reasoning with 100% of their will, self-discipline, and faculties in-tact. What they don’t realize is that with the logic/self-control centers of the brain severely handicapped, overcoming the urge to indulge is like running a race severely crippled. For the addict, the whole process is extremely frustrating and disheartening, because they want to quit, but it seems the harder they try the more powerless they become.
lots more at Porn Can Cripple Your Will Power.