by totaladdict » Wed Mar 27, 2024 1:23 am
I was listening to this podcasturbation episode again…
And while edging to the audio I was watching a multi-multi-screen compilation of gooner-curated videos of massive natural breasts. I love how many overlaps there are between his description of the addiction, down to the type of porn I was watching. My addiction is definitely porno-centric. I love porn and everything to do with it so much that I will burn six hours of sleep on a porn binge without really thinking about it for weeks on end. At times, up to double digits for months on end.
My housing situation is about to change dramatically. I will finally be alone again. And I mean alone. End of the entire road, along a secluded shoreline. Nobody but nobody but me there. The people IRL are happy for this new arrangement because they know I like my alone time, and I do. But they don’t know one of the main reasons is that I love that much alone time because it gives me the time to edge to porn. Like right now. I have been at it for about four hours a night for the last two weeks. Sometimes up to eight. One of the reasons I am the most delighted, actually the most excited about, is that I will have absolutely no possible interruptions or intrusions on my space. I am going to dedicate my whole bedroom to porn. Nobody knows that I am celebrating this move by getting three things: two new Fleshlights; and a short and hugely breasted (read: macromastia) fuck doll. I may or may not get a macromastia torso fucktoy, but I probably will. Since this new place has beams in all the places, I am going to get a sex swing for the fuckdoll. I will get some mirrors so I can watch myself fucking the fuckdoll while I edge to porn. I look forward to leaving this out during the day after indulging in porn all night. Volume up, no need for headphones. I look forward to not having to hide my the paraphernalia of a chronically porn-addicted, edging, pornosexual. All the monitors still situated from the last porn binge, still on and just as they were. Browser tabs open to where I left off. No need to hide all of this evidence of my massive addiction to porn. I can just let it be. I want to arrange a wireless system so I can have the keyboard above the fuckdoll, along with a mouse. Two small, high platforms; one with ample lube and hand-towels. The other with larger towels and cleaning stuff bellow that. I would have room left over on the right side for the usual stuff a marathon fuckdoll session requires: drinks, snacks, wetwipes. A trash can and a place to toss used up washables. I can finally sink into full nights of porn and fucktoys, loud as I want to be. I have other ideas, like a Fleshlight mount that lets me do a more foward-leaning couch fucking, where the mount is attached to a frame that supports my body weight. Enough of my chest supported so I can easily operate a mouse and keyboard at the same time. I love being able to fuck a Fleshlight while watching porn hands-free. My usual method of the past period of time has been stacking up pillows and towels to hold my Fleshlights at the right height in my bed. Then having to deconstruct that setup after I am done, use portions of it to sleep with and hide the other stuff. Now, I can make a custom setup like that and leave it out when I go to work. I will save so much time, and watch so much porn. I look forward to thinking about porn at work all day, then getting home and and immediately jumping right back in where I was. No powering up the porn machines. No makeshift structures. No un-hiding the Fleshlights and fuckdolls. No login’s needed. I can have two fuckdolls. One on the swing and one in the bed, permanently–a long time wish of mine. Right there, so when I wake up and get horny, I can roll over and bust a nut into it. No need to quietly hide the evidence before I got to sleep, lest anyone need to barge in. Just knowing that it will be all out there in the open while I am away already makes me horny. I can finally have the full display of what pornosexuality really is to me out in the open and not have to hide it again. More monitors of course. I will get my VR headset and porn apps back online again. That’ll be fun with a fuckdoll in my lap. The last time I had this kind of lasting porno-space was in 2019-2020, through COVID. God, I had so much justifiable “alone” time during COVID. To a pornosexual, all that alone time was easily filled with more porn. But anyway, it has been a long time to get back to my fullest life as a pornosexual, and I am very much looking forward to it.
I can finally just leave Onania open all day and all night. I’ve been addicted to porn for the last 37 years, but I have not had this kind of security of privacy before. I am going to relish just walking from my bedroom to the bathroom, naked and with a Fleshlight on my cock. You know, that pee you have to take after being hard inside a Fleshlight for many many hours straight, but your steady erection has kept you from peeing? That kind of pee, the pee big enough you can make it work with the right geometry at the toilet. I will still be mostly hard when I am done peeing, so I can slip right back into the Fleshlight and wander back to my bedroom again. No fear of being seen or getting caught of any kind. Just simple biology and back to pornography again. I can get back home at 6:30PM and be inside a fuckdoll by 6:32. I can edge till 9PM, eat something, and go right back to porn and edging again all night long. Now that I am thinking of things, I am going to get into e-stim. That’s the next phase of my continuing pornosexual journey.
I love the pornosexual life.
I am in a reading mood, so I think I will go to r/NoFap and look for people confessing similar stories to the porn addicts here. Their stories of continued, and shameful relapse. Having a up-close relationship with my life-long trajectory as a porn addict and watching, listening to, reading, and conversing with so many other addicts, I can see the ones that are almost certainly too far gone to ever not be a porn addict again. I remember the days of shame. Of repentance. Of throwing out the latest batch of pornography from the hidden places in my room. Dedicating my heart and my eyes to God; pleading silently to God to take away my addiction. Now, not only do I know I’ll never quit, I never want to quit. Reading those stories makes me hard, knowing how hard they must be trying to quit. Some go for years, then suddenly they are watching it for hours a day/night again for months. Others have never gone more than three days since they started. I envy the ones that grew up with easy Internet access. They have no idea how lucky they are compared to the lengths I had to go to get it back in the day. Then there are the stories about ones that feel defeated by their “affliction.” In most cases they speak of just letting go of the futile attempts at stopping. Nothing works. They aren’t even sure if they want it to work. Those ones I am 99% sure can’t escape their addiction, no matter how many years they might go between relapses. No matter how much guilt and shame I felt as a good, home schooled Christian kid, I could never give it up. From the first time to now, the longest I have gone without accessing some degree of porn has been maybe two weeks. Not cumming to porn, maybe eight weeks. I usually try really hard to quit porn at the beginning of relationships, but that never lasts long. Now I know I don’t want a relationship unless it is with another chronic masturbator with particular tastes like mine. Unlikely. But I don’t need or want any other kind of relationship, so I will take constant unabashed porn addiction any time over that. Even in a pornosexual relationship, I would probably still need a lot of alone time to indulge my way. If another pornosexual ever moved in with me, they would need to make their bedroom into their own porno pit. If we vibe together, I think we would know when we wanted to get nasty together or apart.
Feels good to be nearly back to my real self again.
Source: (69) Captive’s Log – totaladdict – Page 16 – Onania Masturbator Forum