The Masturbator Pensées (Thoughts) are collections of fragments written by chronic masturbators
Edge of Desire
It all started in my late teenage years when I was in my first serious relationship with a woman. She was adventurous and open-minded, and we had a great connection both physically and emotionally. However, as our relationship progressed, she expressed her desire to explore different sexual experiences with other men. At first, I was taken aback and felt a sense of jealousy, but as I began to reflect on my own desires, I found myself intrigued by the idea.
We had many conversations about open relationships and non-monogamy, and she was patient and understanding as I navigated my feelings and boundaries. Eventually, we came to an agreement that she could have sexual encounters with other men, as long as we were always honest and communicated openly with each other.
As she began to explore her sexual freedom, I found myself drawn to the idea of self-pleasure while she was with other men. It was a unique and intense experience, knowing that she was experiencing pleasure with someone else while I was indulging in my own desires. I found myself becoming increasingly turned on by the thought of her with other men, and it became an integral part of our relationship dynamic.
I vividly remember one particular encounter where she brought a man home with her while I was at work. She texted me throughout their encounter, describing in detail everything that was happening. As I read her messages, I couldn’t help but touch myself and imagine being in his position, experiencing her touch and pleasure. When I finally got home, she was in bed with him, and I was invited to join in. I was surprised by how comfortable and aroused I was in that situation, and it solidified the dynamic that had developed between us.
As our relationship continued, I found myself becoming more submissive and drawn to femininity. I started to explore my interests in wearing panties and lingerie, and my girlfriend was supportive and encouraging. She would often buy me new lingerie sets and even incorporate them into our sexual activities.
As our relationship progressed, we eventually opened up to the idea of bringing other men into our sexual experiences. It was a natural progression for us, and it allowed me to explore my submissive desires in a safe and trusting environment. My girlfriend would often take on a dominant role, and I would be her obedient sissy, dressing up in lingerie and performing acts of submission for her and her partner’s pleasure.
One of the most memorable experiences was when she brought home a man who was an experienced dominant in the BDSM community. He was aware of our dynamic and was more than willing to indulge in our fantasies. He took complete control over me, and I willingly submitted to his every command. Being dressed up in lingerie, restrained, and used for his pleasure was one of the most intense and fulfilling experiences of my life.
As our relationship continued, we eventually went our separate ways, but the dynamic of open relationships and my submissive desires stayed with me. In my next long-term relationship, my partner also had an open mindset and was accepting of my submissive tendencies. However, it was during this relationship that I fully embraced my true self as a sissy submissive.
I started to actively seek out partners who were dominant and willing to explore my desires for feminization and submission. I would often dress up in lingerie and go on dates, fully embracing my role as a sissy. These encounters were empowering and fulfilling, allowing me to fully express and explore my desires.
I also started to attend events and parties within the BDSM community, where I could fully immerse myself in my submissive role. These experiences taught me the importance of trust, communication, and consent in any kind of sexual dynamic. I also discovered a network of individuals who shared similar interests and desires, and I felt a sense of belonging and acceptance within this community.
It’s been nearly 8 years since I’ve been a full-time self-pleaser, and I couldn’t be happier with my sexual identity and experiences. I have had the opportunity to explore my desires and find a community that accepts and embraces me for who I am. My relationships with women have also been more fulfilling and honest, as I am able to be my true self without any shame or hesitation.
I understand that my desires and experiences may not be considered “conventional” by societal standards, but I have come to accept and embrace them as a part of my identity. I am proud to be a submissive, panty-wearing, sissy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My journey of self-discovery and sexual exploration has been a powerful and transformative one, and I am grateful for every experience that has brought me to where I am today.
- pixie
In reference to a photo of a naked man fucking a pumpkin held by a fully clothed female
Richard Lovel — Yesterday at 7:08 PM
That image is deeply affecting—humiliating in the most arousing way. It’s not only for virgins, either. The way she holds the pumpkin so casually, laughing while he uses it… as if his body, his penis, only deserves the pumpkin. No intimacy. No meaning.
I imagine myself in his place—naked, exposed, rutting into a carved fruit while she watches, amused. It’s degrading. And I want it.
pixiemuledonkey[CNUT]
— Yesterday at 11:20 PM
Exactly what I was thinking, @Richard Lovel — I imagined being the last one to go up to use it, feeling deeply embarrassed and helplessly erect, hearing the giggles and laughter and comments of the others, including those who have already spurted their load into the pumpkin. Nearly trembling from the anticipation and the weight of the shameful feelings as I approach the hole, seeing the milky glaze of numerous men’s semen coating the orifice. Seeing the costumed girl’s pitying expression as she encourages me in a condescendingly sweet voice, “Aww, don’t be nervous, stud — all those guys made it nice, warm, and wet for you already.” Plunging my stiff, eager erection into its warm, gooey depths, making other men’s cum splurt out the sides of the hole. Thrusting into it, sacrificing my remaining dignity as I lose myself to the pleasurable sensations the cum-filled fuck-pumpkin sends through me. Whimpering as I thrust my hips, nude and on full display for everyone to see as I engage in the copulatory act with it while the girl holds it steady. Laughter burning in my ears as I hear comments about how “it’s like he thinks he’s actually fucking a woman!” and making bets on how many thrusts I can manage before I prematurely ejaculate into it — the speculative number dropping as soon as someone points out that I’m still a virgin. But no matter how long I manage to hold out before my helplessly hard penis is seduced into ejaculation by the warm, gooey false “vagina” of the pumpkin, there is no victory there, no pride to take in the degrading act. In the end, I’m still a virgin who just blew his load into a pumpkin, and the last thing I see before my orgasm consumes my conscious mind is the laughing, bemused, pitying face of the costumed girl holding the object of my degradation.
Yes, exactly… and since this is the virgins channel, it’s important to remember—we’re still virgins, even after fucking the pumpkin. It doesn’t count. Vegetables don’t take your virginity. Only a real pussy does. So we’re left standing there, humiliated, exposed, dripping with other men’s cum… and still untouched. The crowd watched us degrade ourselves, and not a single girl who saw will ever give us a pity fuck. Who would? Who wants to touch the pathetic guy who got hard for a warm, used pumpkin and actually came inside it like it was the real thing? We gave everything we had to something hollow and sticky and fake—and still left just as untouched, just as unworthy. Maybe even more so.
Richard LovelMay 20, 2025 11:00 AMMay 20, 2025 11:00 AM.
Yes, exactly… and since this is the virgins channel, it’s important to remember—we’re still virgins, even after fucking the pumpkin. It doesn’t count. Vegetables don’t take your virginity. Only a real pussy does. So we’re left standing there, humiliated, exposed, dripping with other men’s cum… and still untouched. The crowd watched us degrade ourselves, and not a single girl who saw will ever give us a pity fuck. Who would? Who wants to touch the pathetic guy who got hard for a warm, used pumpkin and actually came inside it like it was the real thing? We gave everything we had to something hollow and sticky and fake—and still left just as untouched, just as unworthy. Maybe even more so.
- cuckold fantasy
Marina was sprawled on the left side of the bed, while Jake was on his knees between her wide-open legs. They were in the missionary position, allowing me to walk around the bed to get different views. First, I watched Jake slide the thick head of his cock into Marina’s wet and slightly parted pussy lips. I saw her labia stretch as the head of his throbbing cock slowly pushed its way into her. Once all 8.5″ were fully buried in her cunt, he began to slowly slide his cock in and out. By now, my own penis was leaking and throbbing in my hand. As Jake started pumping harder and faster into Marina’s wet hole, I walked up by her head and kissed her deeply. She was in another world as she did her best to squeeze her cunt muscles to help milk his cock. After 10 minutes or so, they were both approaching orgasm. Jake announced he was about to cum. Marina broke our kiss and urged him to cum in her pussy. She began to pant and gasp as her orgasm washed over her body while Jake pumped his semen deep into her. Far deeper than I ever had reached. This sent me over the edge and I unleashed a torrent of sperm all over her big tits. Once finished, I bent over her and licked my warm load from her chest and neck. It was a great start to the evening!
- Jacuzzi Encounter
Many years ago, I read some spanking erotica online that featured the main character—a shy young man—encountering two attractive, bikini-clad women in a fitness center jacuzzi. Both fawned over a muscular stud in a cowboy hat, admiring his rippling physique and bulging arms. I don’t remember exactly how it got from point A to point C, but somehow the twink upset the group, and the cowboy hat guy stood up from the bubbling water, knocking the twink to the tile floor next to the jacuzzi. The young guy lay confused and exposed on the wet tile, and the cowboy hat guy held him firmly by the ankles. The two women, with mischievous grins, yanked off his Speedo and began smacking his bare bottom with flip-flops. Their laughter echoed through the room as each spank made a very loud, humiliating slapping sound. Each powerful blow, delivered by the giggling women, sent him sliding across the cool wet tiles as he lay prone, face down, and wriggling. The cowboy hatted stud would pull him back by the ankles whenever he slid too far, allowing the women to resume their volley of loud, punishing slaps. The spanking stung his bare bottom, while the sensation of his erect penis sliding back and forth across the slick tiles stimulated the hapless guy to uncontrollably ejaculate against the tiles. The moment the women noticed the gooey streak he was leaving, they pointed it out and burst into laughter. The naked twink lay mortified and panting on the floor as the girls, still laughing and giggling, teased him even more about the streak he’d left. They mocked his release and cooed about how much of the slippery mess he’d left behind. They laughed about what little stamina he had, then put on an over-the-top theatrical display of shock and awe at his lack of control. Finally, before he could even find his Speedo or get dressed, they climbed out of the jacuzzi and disappeared.
- pensees
Gay Sex
post by selferection » Tue May 20, 2025 6:11 am
I am an adult male masturbator with a sexual preference for SOLO DICK SEX. Im rock hard and stroking to goonerpervert’s horny talk here … As a horned up teen my gay fantasy life was a special obsession for single men and ‘bachelors’ with no wifey or family…Men Alone always makes my mind go directly to the likelihood that Bachelor = Masturbation Addicted . My gay fantasy was to watch and be watched a mature masculine man deep into his own solosexual jackoff obsession, and that gay sex was jockstraps, lockerrooms, locker room circle jerks, exhibitionism, self sucking and penis vacuum pumping/cock enlargement. The biggest indicator of my true solosexual masturbator sex drive is that deep in the of urban gay meccas(i.e. pre-internet) were JACK-OFF or J/O Clubs where stroking cock is the focus and my own greasy palm is the best FUCK for my masturbator’s meat. Ive got a JACK-OFF Fetish. Ive had a good appetite for “gay skills” in sucking mens dicks (which gives me an opportunity to stroke my meat) while learning essentially giving a blowjob is using a (bearded) mouth to masturbate men’s penises. Non-Stop All-Day Male Masturbation is my gay sex fantasy, my sexual preference is for Solo J/O the exposure, the male lust, the sport of showing off is masculinity defined…. and forms a real bond between men who masturbate with other men for a day…. or for longer… sexual desire is interesting how it develops and manifests
Re: regardless of the number, roughly how many times a year do you cum?
Unread post by jswordy » Mon May 19, 2025 6:21 pm
I used to cum anywhere from 400-500 times a year when I was in my 20s and could jerk out a wad with ease anytime, in addition to my clumsy youthful forays with actual sex. In my 30s, I had cathartic eye-opening experiences in separate relationships with three dominant women who denied me the right to cum except in very special circumstances for their pleasure and in that way showed me who I really am. Over that period, I probably was cumming maybe 30 times a year if I was lucky.
In the midst of my cuckoldry and control, I found that another exquisite pleasure exists in being so obsessed with a woman that I would masturbate about her endlessly (which was allowed) but not cum. This honing and manipulation of my desire by these wonderful goddesses only further whetted my appetite to do whatever whenever for them on their command, and that led to many adventures that expanded me as I was being willingly used.
It was very difficult to be so caught up that my mind fixated on the woman in control almost every other minute of any waking period, grabbing my cock in my hand and yet not be able to spill a drop. Then, when I did get permission to cum, it had been so long that ironically was a very painful thing to do. That was new and surprising, at first. There was so much pressure and built-up semen that ejaculation was pleasure but also hurt to the point where I’d almost rather avoid it. That usually was very pleasing to my mistresses, who found it funny and also got immense sexual gratification from using it to bend me to their every whim.
Anyway, these experiences left me with a sort of perversion now that is very hard to satisfy. As a result, I absolutely love having my horniness twisted and having my lust manipulated to serve a woman. When I am in that thrall, it feels like I am hanging from a thin gossamer thread, my every cell awash with my mounting lust. That is the height of sexual pleasure for me.
For the last several years, my luck has run out and I have not been able to find a woman who knows how to twist me up. So, now I come about 200 times a year. The strange thing is that I can enjoy edging along and then stopping entirely as much as I can pounding out a squirt. I do hope my luck returns though. For me, there’s nothing like the feeling of being totally controlled sexually by a woman who knows what she wants (everything!) and how to manipulate me so she gets it. Sorry so long, I got carried away!
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