Learning to edge via masturbation

The learning experience of masturbation

The change that you can bring about is that instead of toppling over the edge into ejaculation, the energy that produces ejaculation and such fantasies is redirected into an internal and heightened experience of orgasm without ejaculation. This is done by what I call playing on the edge. I sometimes think of it as dancing on the rim of the volcano without falling in. This is done by using masturbation as a practising of the new approach. Personally, I don’t think this is worth trying with a partner to start with, only once you have learned to master it through masturbation.

The practice is as follows:

1) You need time alone during which you will not be disturbed. This can be anywhere in which you feel secure and can relax.

2) Before you even start you must learn to relax. Relaxation is a key feature of transforming your sexual impulse. Without relaxation the experience of sex remains genital, and it is difficult for it to transform into non-ejaculative orgasm. Rather than attempt to teach relaxation here, and make this feature very wordy, I suggest you inquire into relaxation elsewhere. See:

3) So, in a relaxed state, touch your body – not genitals yet – slowly and gently. The aim is to gradually awaken the pleasurable feelings in yourself and to relax you further. If you enjoy cream or oil being rubbed on your body, do this to yourself and slowly move to touching your genitals. It doesn’t matter in the least if no erection occurs. It is an exercise in slowness, relaxation, and the development of pleasure.

4) Make slow movements across the penis rather than up and down. I call this “playing the guitar”. It can excite the sexual pleasure without leading directly to ejaculation. Gradually make this movement more intense. Use the tips of your fingers to press hard at the root of the penis, still crossways. One of the things you are aiming at is to reduce sensitivity, and this rough handling can help to do this. It thereby enables a much fuller contact with your partner before any process of ejaculation occurs.

5) Now you are reaching the point of the exercise. Slowly make the movements more intense. Do this until you begin to get near to that point of balance, the crest of the wave, that leads to ejaculation. There will be an intense urge to complete the process, and thus ejaculate. But before you get to that point, stop, relax, let the whole urgency of genital feelings gradually melt and slow down.

6) When your being has pulled back from that crest, start again. Move toward the crest of the wave once more and draw back. Do this three times. And DO NOT take the process to the point of ejaculation. When you are with your partner and get near the edge, pause, relax until the urgency subsides. Perhaps there will even be a lessening in your erection. This is okay. Slowly resume your love making. Each time you drop back from the crest your ability to express full movement, and to experience powerful pleasure and ecstasy will increase.

7) There is a difficult point here that you must gradually learn. As already stressed, every urge in you will push you toward ejaculation. Of course there is a certain satisfaction in the ejaculation. But there is also a satisfaction in heightened feelings of pleasure. So what you are trying to do with this practice of dancing on the edge is to gain great satisfaction without falling into the volcano. This can only be done if you learn to gradually relax more and more until the excitation in your body can express very fully. I need to be specific about this so you will understand what is meant.

via Sexercise – Chapter Five.