A married masturbator’s life

a masturbator wrote:

I had my honeymoon at the beginning of May of this year with my wife. We had a blast and wonderful sex. I am into sexual denial though and in a fit of hornyness when we returned home I thought it would be hot to have my penis denied for the rest of the year. Now, when I go overboard my wife usually reins me in, saying my fantasies are great but that I wouldn’t want something like that for real… well not this time. She went along with it happily

Here I am 3 months later and I’m a married masturbator! She has only touched my cock once since the honeymmon for a short 1 minute wank (she watched the clock and made sure I didn’t cum). So since our honeymoon, she has been getting lots of head, while literally, the only way I’ve been coming is through jerking off. She already told me in no uncertain terms that she won’t be giving me an orgasm herself at any point the rest of this year, but that in 3 months she would touch me again for a short while.  

Needless to say, this has been incredibly hot. I’ve jerked off for my wife plenty before, but it is something different when you are jerking off and you know that it is not foreplay or just for a change, it’s the only way I can get off. I don’t even ask for sex after getting her off anymore, I’ve been conditioned to ask if I can get myself off. Sometimes she’ll watch, sometimes she’ll go about her business, either way, I’ve been having amazing & humiliating orgasms and I love it.

Anyone in a similar situation?

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god, yes, and i will tell you where i am/we are, for the benefit of newbies, nothing really new (a little tiny update/change) for those who’ve been here…

without me getting into the back story (you can off-line ask if you want, or just look through the list/group), i am a completely submissive jerk-off to my Goddess Wife; as example and where we are now, what follows is re our last and only sexual encounter in the last few months. it should be said first that i do not cum except by Her jerking me off, with Her Feet or Hands, although i do masturbate ongoing. thus, yes, it can happen i might have an “accident,” in which case i will ruin the orgasm, blocking the ejaculation at the base. so at the point we pick up the story, i had not had any kind of orgasm in some 9 weeks, the prior time only a ruined accident, and it had been some 3 months or so since we had “had sex.”

so She announced, after earlier some teasing of the possibility, one Sunday that She was watching a TV show with a lot of soft core porn, people fucking and nudity, and so she said, “So we’re going to have sex.” and ensured i got things ready. as usual She jacked me off while i played with her, worshipping Her Pussy and Feet, She apparently wanted cum on Her tits as She thought of what She’d seen, finishing me that way, and reminded me “you are not done!” and of course i got Her off with Her favorite toy. as always leaving away horny again having just gotten Her off, but i am done as i’ve been told it’s “greedy” to want more.

that was, i think, 3 weeks ago, and i will await next time She says, the next time She feels She wants an independent hand fucking Her with a toy or She feels like an “okay” (as she’s described it) cock in Her hand/cum on Her. in the meantime i do my best at housework, and Hre idea of play – as is mine – is She points out when i am not doing so well or being too “uppity” it can be a lot longer before i get off. She is just fine with Her toys.

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i posted my situation to the group just a few months ago. However, our situations seem extremely similar. Therefore, since You seem to have missed my original posting, i’m reposting it for Your benefit.

As i said, i think our situations seem to be extremely similar, at least in practice. However, there might be a difference in underlying philosophy, in that You seem to be more into the denial aspects of Your situation, whereas for me, it’s about not being masculine enough to be worthy of having sex with my Wife, nor with any Woman for that matter. Anyhow, here’s my story:

i come from a background that is quite different from the prevailing mores of today’s society. All my Grandparents were immigrants, so both my Parents were first-generation Americans who were somewhat naive about the mores of modern society. They believed that there was no sex until marriage, and that the only reason for People to date was to find a prospective marriage partner. They expected that i would not date until i obtained my Ph.D. and was established in a good job, and then only date with the intention of finding A Wife and getting married. Hence, i had a rather tortured childhood from puberty on.

Furthermore, i was always very short, very shy, very timid, i was a bit of a nerd, and i skipped several grades in school so i was much younger than all my peers. None of this did much to make it easy for me to
relate to Girls. Yet, i reached puberty rather early, and lusted after almost every Girl in my class. i soon discovered jerking off. i essentially discovered it by accident. But once i got started, i couldn’t stop. i used to come home from school every day, and spend several hours in my room jerking off one time after another. It wasn’t long before i worked up to seven times in a row every single day, and often several times more scattered throughout the day.

i must take a slight detour here, to talk about my Male Peers. This was when most of Them were entering puberty and starting to experiment with acting like grown-ups. But to A pubescent Male, that implied using
profanity. So They would use every one of the most vile swear words They could think of, and often inflict those labels on Their fellow Peers; sometimes just playfully, but often in outright conflict. But of all the various invectives They inflicted upon each other, the one that was regarded as the most damaging, was “jerk-off!” If someone called you a “jerk-off”, it implied that you were such a nerd, such a dork, such a dweeb, such a total geek, that no Woman would ever want you, and you were condemned to be alone for the rest of your life!

Well being the short, shy, timid kid that i was, much younger than everyone else, i was bullied a lot, and therefore got called a jerk-off a lot. And the worst part of it all, is that a jerk-off is exactly what i really
was! But i couldn’t ever let Anyone know that. How could i ever let Anyone know? So it became my closely guarded, dirty, shameful secret – a secret too horrible to ever reveal to Anyone. Even when i got older, and some of the guys used to admit to masturbating, i used to insist that i never, ever, not even once, jerked off in my whole life. i could never let Anyone know.

So to resume my story, my masturbation habits lasted through college, and beyond. In the beginning, it didn’t bother me too much. It just felt good! But the older i got, the more i realized that i shouldn’ t be doing this. i should be having an actual social life. So it all started filling me with such feelings of guilt, depression, and
self-loathing, that i literally thought i would soon have a nervous breakdown. There were times when i used to go to class and pray for some Girl in my class to just simply smile at me, just to let me know that i wasn’t such a total geek that every girl was repulsed by me.

So i hated myself, and would try to abstain for long periods of time. But i would inevitably fail, often after only a few days, or a few weeks, at most. There were times when i actually lasted for two or three months, but they were very rare. And when i had a relapse after such a long period of abstinence, i’d be even more depressed after falling back into my old pattern.

There was only one thing that stopped me from going crazy. That was the promise that i made to myself. i promised myself that somehow, some way, i would find a way to marry The most beautiful Girl in the world. i’d marry A Girl that Everyone would be jealous of. i’d marry A smart, classy, beautiful, sexy Woman; The most beautiful Woman in the world; and then i’d never have to jerk off again! i’d have A beautiful, sexy
Wife i could fuck whenever i want, and then i’d never have to jerk off again! So marriage was to be my savior! i’d get married to This beautiful, sexy Girl. And by being married, i’d be able to spend the rest of my life having sex with Her, and i’d never have to jerk off again!

Well as it turned out, i did eventually start to date. But because of the promise i made to myself, i just couldn’t bring myself to go out with A Girl who was less than fantastic-looking and extremely sexy. One may ask how, being the nerd that i was, i managed to do this? Well by this time, i had my Ph.D., an impressive job, made a pretty good salary, drove a flashy car, had a pretty good personality, and i was a very good pianist. (When i was younger, playing the piano just made me more of a nerd. But as i got older, Women used to think my playing music to Them was very romantic, especially when i would write compositions just for Them.)

Now it’s not like i dated a great number of Women. In fact, it was very few. And most of the relationships didn’t last very long at all. Perhaps one reason was that i found i just wasn’t very good at fucking. After my pathetic past, i was just too insecure to be good at fucking. i would always be so worried about was i doing it right? Did i have it in the right position? Was i rubbing against Her Clit the right way? Is She cumming? Am i getting soft? Am i going to cum too soon? So with all that fretting, i would get soft, and couldn’t complete the act.

But i was very good at oral. So if i found A Girl who was really into getting oral, my sexual inadequacies didn’t matter that much. So while the first relationship i had lasted almost a year, after that, the longest relationship i had lasted only about 2-1/2 months. That is, until i met my current Wife. She was, indeed, The smartest, most classy, beautiful, sexy Woman i ever met in my life! And believe me, i’m not the only one who thought so. She was several years younger than me, and i totally couldn’t understand why She ever wanted to go out with me. But somehow, we really clicked, and we both knew it right away. So after about 18 months, we got married.

At first, it was wonderful! i still wasn’t any better at fucking, but She was extremely uninhibited, and liked to try all kinds of different things, sexually, which suited me just fine. And She was wild about oral sex (though really only on the receiving end), but after all, that was my forte. So everything was just great! But after a while, She wanted to experiment with Dominance and submission, with me being the Dominant one.

Now i have to tell you that i developed an interest in D/s very early on, but always with me being the submissive one in my fantasies. But in my mind, that made me even more of a wimp than i was. So as a young boy, having such desires only added to my feelings of self-loathing. In any case, my new Wife now wanted to experiment with D/s, but with me in the Dominant role. I didn’t think there was any way i could pull that off. Nevertheless, i agreed to try. You have to realize that at this point, i still never admitted to Anyone in the whole world that i ever jerked off, not even to my new Wife. So i certainly wasn’t going to admit that i really wanted to be Dominated by Her; not the other way around as She wished..

Anyhow, we tried it out, and for a while, it was the biggest thrill we had in our whole lives. To tell you the truth, for me, i think it was such a big thrill because i was sort of experiencing what it was like to be a submissive, vicariously, through Her. But i also have to say that even while having submissive desires, it was nice having This sexy little slave Girl who would do whatever i wanted. However, as we got deeper into it, my Wife realized that while She liked the “image” of playing The little slave Girl, She didn’t really enjoy
the reality of it. And i also realized that as hard as i tried, i couldn’t really pull off being the Dominant one, because it’s just not in my nature. So it wasn’t long before my Wife started suggesting that maybe we should try switching roles. But i was still too insecure to do that. i still couldn’t bring myself to admit to Her that i had such submissive desires. i still insisted that i was a normal “macho male”, and i could never play the part of the submissive.

So all of our Dominance/submission-play eventually died out, and we soon fell into a rather boring, vanilla routine. But then, one day, we were in the mall. We hadn’t had sex in a long time, and we soon got talking about what we were going to do when we got home. Somehow, my Wife suggested that maybe we should try my giving Her an enema. So we ended up cutting our shopping trip short, going instead to the drugstore to buy all the equipment, and then rushed home. As soon as we got home, we hurriedly undressed, and i still have no idea how this happened, but somehow, it ended up that i was the one with my ass up in the air, with my Wife pumping my ass full of water.

Well after that day, i let it all out. i confessed to Her about my jerk-off youth, and all my submissive desires. And it wasn’t very long after that, that i became Her complete and total sex-slave. Over the next many years, things got more and more intense. The worse She treated me, the more i loved it! But soon, the actual sex between us drastically changed. Eventually, we stopped fucking altogether. i would only service Her orally, and She would make me cum by jerking me off in all kinds of creative ways, many of them being extremely humiliating, and often, even extremely painful. But after many years of this, She eventually decided that She was tired of jerking me off. She decided that She wasn’t going to do it anymore, and that the only way i would be able to cum was by doing it myself. Furthermore, She grew more and more of a liking for Her sex toys, and didn’t even want me serving Her orally anymore. She declared
that i was now just too degraded to ever have any sort of sexual contact with Her, or indeed with any Woman, ever again.

So we’ve now reached a point where She’s declared that i will never, ever again have any sort of sexual contact with A Woman for the rest of my life, and that the only way i will ever again, for the rest of my
life, be able to cum, is by jerking off! But the strange thing is that having evolved to this point in my life, i now love it! i feel like this is what i was always supposed to be. It just feels so right for me. i’m more happy and content then i ever thought i could be. There’s nothing i would ever want to change. i’m Her 24/7 complete and total slave, doing anything and everything She asks me to do, and i love it! It just
feels so right for me.

Of course, it’s not like i’m allowed to jerk off whenever i want. my Mistress-Wife only allows me to jerk off on the exact schedule, and in the exact way She has prescribed. She says that i need to be “tuned” properly. In other words, She’s found that if She allows me to jerk off too much, i become lazy and apathetic. But if She doesn’t allow me to jerk off often enough, i grow so horny and distracted, that i don’t have my mind on serving Her with the attention She demands. She’s found that i’m “tuned” to the proper degree of horniness if i jerk off twice a week. So twice a week, but only twice a week, it is. However, for someone who used to jerk off up to 10 or 12 times a day, twice a week is a form of delicious hell.

However, She says She has no desire to witness the disgusting act of my jerking off. So She makes my do it all alone, by myself, just like a real jerk-off. Furthermore, there’s also all kinds of other rules She has for me when i do it, that keeps me thinking about how i’m reliving what i was in my youth – a complete and total jerk-off that no one wants to have sex with.

But still, i realize how strange it is. When i was a boy, i never had real sex. i was a complete and total jerk-off, and i hated it! i used to hope and pray to be married. Marriage was to be my savior! i’d get married, and i’d have A Wife i could fuck whenever i want, and i’d never have to jerk off again. So now i’m married. And because i’m married, it turns out i’ll never, ever again have sex with A Woman for the rest of my life, and i’ll spend the rest of my life jerking off!

But now, i love it! i started out as a complete and total jerk-off who never had sex with Women, and i ended up a complete and total jerk-off who will never again have sex with Women. i’m once again the complete and total jerk-off that i was always meant to be!

So it’s been well over seven years since i touched A Woman sexually. For the last seven years, i’ve only cum by jerking off. As a boy, i hoped that marriage would make me into A real Man who could fuck my beautiful Wife whenever i want, just like A Real Man. Instead, marriage has made me into a complete and total jerk-off who will never, ever again have any sexual contact with A Woman for the rest of my life. This is the reality of what marriage has done for me. And every time i realize this, the only thought that comes to my mind, is how did i get so lucky?

Regards,
the jerk-off

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Hey jerk off, there is so much in your story I can relate to. I too was the school nerd, the jack-off. Nowadays everyone is concerned about school bullying but back then nobody gave a crap.

So, like you, many many times I was called a jerk-off or a jack-off (must have been mostly ‘jack-off’ because that’s the word that still makes my dick the hardest) and then, after the humiliation at school, I would run home to masturbate, realizing that they were right! All those people calling me a jack-off were right! Every time I took my dick in my hand I realized that everyone who called me a jack-off was right, the proof was right there in my hand. And, I knew that there was no way I could stop jacking off and become a real man, because real men don’t jack off! They fuck girls! I even knew that several of my friends were home fucking their girlfriends, probably at the exact same moment that I was jacking off and spraying my cum all over myself.

And, like you, I dreamed of marrying a beautiful woman, who would fuck me every day and I would never have to jack off again. And, like you, I finally did marry (at age 30). Real sex was good but I soon learned that instead of every day it was once or twice a week and of course I also learned that I loved masturbation too much to stop.

Then, after 10 years and 2 kids, I discovered my beautiful wife was fucking someone else. She was fucking me once a week and fucking him twice a week! The idea turned me on of course but I couldn’t handle it. I told her she had to stop fucking him. She agreed on one condition: she would stop fucking me too. Desperate to save the family, I agreed but I asked her if she would at least give me JO help. This was the beginning of a very exciting time for me.

A couple of times a week, after the kids were in bed, and I had withdrawn to my man cave / masturbatorium, She would come downstairs dressed in only her robe. She would then drop the robe and tease me with her naked body while she teased me about being such a jack-off. Stuff like “You are such a jack-off! You really do love to masturbate don’t you? I bet you like fucking your hand even better than fucking me. Come on and look at me while you jack off. Do you wish you could still fuck me? Well sorry I don’t fuck jack-offs, I only fuck real men.”

She would model for me until I came all over myself, then put her robe on and go to bed (I’m sure knowing that I was going to start in on another round.)

But, after only a few months of that she decided to dump me and go back to fucking her boyfriend, leaving me all along to sink back into total chronic masturbation.

My second (current) wife also only wanted to fuck about once a week, making me once again a married masturbator. Then, when I started developing ED problems, she apparently decided that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. One time, after failing to stay hard, I started to masturbate in front of her. She just said “you know I don’t need to be here for you to do that” and she got up and left. Since then, my future is clear: I spend lots of time in my man cave. She never comes in and never asks me what I’m doing, and the subject of sex never comes up.

So, like you, my lifetime of being a jack-off is ending like it began, and I am the same nerdy, wimpy jack-off that I was in high school. And I’m loving it. Like you I truly am a jerk-off.

 

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