In what is being heralded as a scientific breakthrough on par with Copernicus’ heliocentrism or Einstein’s theory of relativity, sources confirmed Thursday that local 13-year-old Shane O’Donnell invented masturbation. O’Donnell’s study of the effects of pillow-humping on the brain’s pleasure center reportedly led the pre-teen to experiment with placing a hand on his genitals and tugging, which was followed by a groundbreaking trial-and-error period involving a variety of tempos and grips. … Source: Local Teen Invents Masturbation