Older Masturbation
Then seemingly I realized the following customs: People do not show up naked in public, al least private parts covered, toilet business behind locked doors. So my all evening routine now was in the darkness of my sleeping room, but blanket open and knickers down. Outside in hides, standing.
All the years of my youth between about 7 and 15 there was the reoccurring situation sometimes that I had to share the sleeping room or even a double bed with my mother. For unknown reason it happened sometimes that she was already lying beside me in the darkness, but I had not yet done my little job. So it was clear that I did it under the blanket, but I produced some little rhythmical noise. A mixture of moral consciousness, but still childish carelessness. So she heard it and asked loudly in the silence – what is still ringing in my ears today. A mild scolding followed that “one must not do that.”
So the front was cleared. I had become a little rebel already, was not enthusiastic at all with the adults’ moral they taught me, and maybe even already saw through some hypocrisy. I lifted the blanket with my left hand a little beside her and continued the job, maybe even that same evening. This little, great joy cannot be bad…. Just the opposite: This forbidden secret of mine was my first little paradise of real liberty. No adult cares there.
And the neighbour boys did it, too. We had our first little masturbation circle even before school. Here I noticed the ambivalent moral: One says “pisser” or even only “knickers”, then another one said “You swine!” immediately, but with glassy eyes of horniness already.
The daytime urge led me into dramatic situations sometimes. I remember me and my grandmother in the wood, and I found a bush in which I had a real maximum highspeed job. And the toilet at home ….
In my puberty the secret jobs beside my mother gave me an additional kick. Didn’t she notice my little orgasmic gasping and breathing at the end? This question will never be answered. And this is a nice fantasy of mine nowadays: What did our mothers know and what did they notice?
On the other hand the urge became a nightmare during my puberty: No girl, but the urge, up to 8 times a day.
On the other other hand I was lucky in my puberty: The big campaign of sexual information in the 1960ies. With fire red head I read the articles in some magazines by my uncle. It is called “Onanie”, it is normal, even healthy, and also girls and women do it! Which threw me into another malaise: It was impossible to catch further informations about this, the most impossible was to ask the girls directly.
My real masturbation addiction has started from my puberty, in my penis and in my head. Masturbation, masturbation, my head filled with this idea the whole day. In my 20ies I managed to do it with some lovers, in front of each other. Paradise for the young investigator. I fell in love with this tiny organ of pure female lust called clitoris.
But with my wife I missed the right moment, and then it was too late. I knew that she did, but it was no subject between us. This maybe one main reason that we never lived together, even not when married. Porn and good masturbation in my separate place, and she had her freedom as well – with some erotic novels I had discovered in the drawer beside her bed (“Emanuella”).
Young women have overtaken the males here now a little in Germany. It is almost no more problem or even fashionable in some anonymity for young women to say that they have a vibrator, and males have begun to learn that these vibrators are clitoral vibrators, a little hard to know for the penis. The clitoris vibrators hang in the drugstores close to the cashier, and 15 years old girls can grab them and pay 20 Euros.
I am a widower now. My sexual life is masturbation. But also female masturbation. I have found 3 nice women who show me their real orgasms for money. In 3 rather spetacular ways. And 2 of them enjoy my tender finger on their clitoris to a first nice orgasm.
One last point: What makes me very horny nowaday and might be a subject here: I like the fantasy of myself those years and other boys who must do it in panic high speed in some toilets or other situations not to get discovered. Who ever remembers also those dramatic situations? Feel free to write me.