The Pensées (Thoughts) is a collection of fragments written by chronic masturbators
My ex knew I was a masturbation addict and she was so cool about it. If she wasn’t in the mood, she would just say, Fool around with yourself honey. That’s all. And I would, right in front of her. One Saturday she was getting ready to go to her company softball team practice and I was anxious for her to leave so I could have a marathon bate session. She was dressed in shorts, team shirt, sneakers, glove in hand, but she kept hanging around. Desperate, I said, I hope you’re not late for practice. She gave me a sly smile, raised one eyebrow and looked at me and said, Really? She knew I was having a masturbation anticipation meltdown and thought it was funny. I was embarrased, despite her open masturbation policy. Finally I mumbled, Well, I was planning on beating off, so … I made it sound like a question; she giggled. You’re asking me? Go ahead. Beat off. I don’t care. With her watching I slipped out of my boxers and grabbed my hard dick, reveling at the chance to kneel naked in front of my fully-clothed wife and masturbate shamelessly. You’re so good at that, she said. Then she stood up, winked and said, Have fun, Masturbator. And she waltzed out the door to softball practice, leaving her meat beating hubby in masturbator bliss on the living room floor. It was so awesome!
I am a chronic and compulsive masturbator. Which has led me down the rabbit hole of gooning. Gooning is now my favorite hobby, and I have become very proficient in the art of edging myself into a dumb, numb, jerk off. I will dedicate hours-on-end to show my penis how well my lubricated hand can keep him happy. As I tease my genitals without any mercy to the brink of climax it only serves to motivate me to keep my poor begging penis at the verge of no return. A lot of start and stops as I grunt, pant, squirm, drool, and moan. Then all of a sudden my eyes get wide, my mouth frozen in a permanent “O” as I stare down at my penis being pampered by my slimy fist. Now the noise coming from my “O” are sounds related to that of an ape. Each monkey huff sending a light puff of warm air across the tip of my strained drooling penis causing my edges to become more and more frequent. And then it just happens. My edges begin to bounce of each other as all of my senses sharpen. I’ve left my body and have entered my penis. I smell the funk of my cock juice and masturbation slop, and I feel myself swelling as I beg my hand (with what sounds like distant babbling) to please keep caressing the tight string-like nerve that’s running up my underbelly to my swollen cheeks that meet just under my gaped open lips that continuously leak clear viscous like fluid do to my overstimulation. That’s right, I this moment I have become one with my penis. In fact, that’s all I am, I’m just a penis. At this point I just remain there on the edge wishing that mad five fingered tormentor would let me puke-up all that backed-up cum churning in the skin tight ball sack that keeps rising up towards my swollen head, but just when I think he’s finally going to show me mercy he let’s go. Over and over for hours.
Fantasy1: I’m trained as a ‘goon fighter’ by a JOI instructor and pitted against other gooners. Points awarded for those with the best cum control / edging and how long they can stay in a mindless goon haze with a throbbing cock. The winner is the gooner that doesn’t cum and levels up in a weekly competition.
Fantasy2: I’m put on an online ‘goon stage’, sort of like Chaturbate, where I have multiple moderating dom(me)s instructing me to edge for them and getting feedback from an audience of thousands all throwing out suggestions and interacting with the group of doms. Control could also be tagged around the audience as the needed to keep me gooning for hours.
I don’t know how much of a confession this is vice a profession but OMFG I love stripping fully naked and masturbating and edging my cock for people. While live and IRL with consenting adults is the absolute best, live and on cam really works for me too. Maybe I’m bursting to say this now because I’ve been busy and haven’t done either in a while but yesterday I worked it on cam for six hours. To be clear that is six hours of hands on ringed, lubed cock pumping fast, pumping slow, moaning and throbbing on the edge. My cock being put through its paces for the world to see. Me moaning, legs shaking, writhing and twisting about as I struggled to hold the edge…only to attack it again a few seconds later, over and over. Everyone got to see me shoot drops of pre and keep pumping. I took snack breaks to recover but when the break was over the clock started back up. If nothing else yesterday reminded me, vividly, that I need to just take the time really plan and head out to a few go to sex clubs, adult theaters and the nude beach. While camming is great, for an exhibitionist, nothing is better than stripping and working it and having a group of couples and others gather around, take seats, ask questions and thank me before they leave for letting them watch. It also never hurts when the women ask if I’m interested in fucking them, often right on the spot. So far over a bunch of years doing this I’ve always said yes. It never mattered to me if they were painfully skinny, elderly, SSBBW, or even a midget. If they took the time to sit there, chat with me while I was pumping to an edge or letting it just throb rigid in the air, and they wanted it then I we’d chat about how they wanted to be fucked and I’d give them exactly the fucking that they were looking for and kissed, hugged and thanked them afterwards. Then cleaned up, often had a snack and then back at it. I love this place for being the refuge that it is, a safe fun place to do what I love.
I have never deliberately thought that I have been denying myself, because if I want to cum then I do. But I will often choose to masturbate and just enjoy that sensation without cumming because the stroking alone feels great. When I start to leak, that’s when I have to decide. Often I’ll have 3-4 such sessions for a few days before I decide to cum. Part of this is practicality – typlically from starting to cumming will be 2 hours mostly. Yesterday I woke up very early at 3am and masturbated until 7am and then got up to have breakfast with my wife before she went to work at 8am. Then I masturbated until she got home about 10:30am … which was interesting because it was the first time in a while that she had caught me literally shooting cum ????????????
The only time I have been denied was in 2010. I was in hospital for 10 days and even though I was in a private room, the door was open and nurses were doing obsvervations every few hours, other nurses were giving me injections, doctors were seeing me twice a day. At night it was quieter but still not long enough to have a good wank. And to be honest for the first 7-8 days staying alive was somewhat more important. ????????
When I got home on day 11 and went to bed I was so fucking horny and so went straight to bed and masturbated and tried to make it last as long as I could. I probably managed about 10 minutes at most. The first cumshot exploded from my cock and flew past my head and made an audible splat on the wall behind me and those afterwards hit my face, chin, chest and belly. Literally the biggest mess I have ever made.
Before online stores and sources of porn I used to shop every once in a while. On the most memorable occasion, I must have spent “too much” time browsing the plastic pussy section. Probably the employees were expecting me to lose my nerve and leave, and suddenly I had an attractive middle-aged Latina woman by my side asking exactly what I was looking for, which prompted an utterly frank discussion about pocket pussies; what textures I was looking for, what tightness I wanted and so on. As soon as I was home and fucking it, and many times since then, I fantasized about her taking me into a private room with my most likely choices where I could sample each one – of course with her supervision, so I didn’t try to steal anything. The thought of her gently encouraging me to go ahead and pretend she’s not there, and observing which ones seemed to work best for me, has gotten me off many times since then
Not really a fantasy, but an actual dream I had, but this seems like the right place to post it. Had a dream last night I walked into a room where a bunch of people, men and women, were gathered around a screen. Porn was playing on the screen but no one was openly masturbating yet. It was basically like an IRL version of a stream room on Discord. There were no chairs, just standing in the back and sitting or kneeling on the floor in the front. A spot opened up near the front, so I sat down there, knowing that I would probably get cum sprayed all over the back of my head and neck. Then I woke up. ????