Masturbation and Ego Death == Onania Masturbator Forum

Unread post by richardbrook » Fri Jun 06, 2025 2:44 pm

Hey all, very new to this forum, but thought it would be the best place to have this discussion. I’m a straight male and I masturbate fairly often, even though I am in a committed relationship. Over the past five years, I’ve had three such relationships and I would describe all as being normal, in that they were fairly standard heterosexual relationships without any significant kinks. Yet, when I do masturbate, I do so to one very consistent fantasy that involves a woman masturbating. As far as I can remember, this is the only fantasy I have ever had. What’s more, when I do watch porn, it is only (and I mean only) pictures and videos which fit this fantasy. When I’ve orgasmed, I don’t think about this fantasy until I revisit it during my next session. Sometimes I can go weeks in between masturbating, but when I do return, I can sometimes edge for hours on end, my mind replaying this fantasy over and over on a loop. I’m curious if anyone else here has a similar fantasy, so I’ll just write it out here before continuing.

The elements of this fantasy sometimes change, but the structure is the same each time: a woman (initially a former teacher of mine) is teaching a class. As the session ends, she exits to her office, and begins going about her office routine. Sometime later (maybe 20-30 minutes), she begins to stretch, and her hand grazes her thighs. A smirk crackles around her mouth as she realizes what she’s about to do. After glancing at the door to make sure it’s locked, she pulls up her favorite porn and begins to stroke herself over her clothes. First, she undoes her belt and jeans, letting a triangle of fabric from her panties peak through. Soon, she pushes them to the ground and begins rubbing herself more vigorously, a light sweat forming on her forehead. In no time, her panties are around her ankles, and her hands are running through her thick, brown pubic hair, now damp with her own excitement. She masturbates, faster and faster, sounds of wet, slapping flesh filling the room. As her orgasm draws near, she hears the doorknob jiggle. Suddenly, her heart sinks through her chest as she realizes that someone else is unlocking the door. She tries to stop her masturbatory act, but she’s at the point of no return. “No, no, no” she murmurs as the door opens, revealing…a janitor, two janitors, students, it’s irrelevant. No matter who it is, she helplessly orgasms in front of them, her juices dribbling out of her contracting pussy.

This fantasy is more of a motif for my masturbation, the story doesn’t always stay the same (sometimes she’s a college student instead, sometimes she’s in an office), but the beats of the story remain the same. Some things must remain the same; she never uses toys, only manual stimulation. Canonically, she must be addicted to masturbating. This is (minus being caught) a normal occurrence for her. She must be at least bottomless, and she must have some pubic hair. Most importantly, she must be caught at the moment of orgasm; preferably with some type of female ejaculation.

For this reason, I only consume porn of female masturbation. Although I have regular two-person sex (and successfully ejaculate), my solo-sexual acts never involve two people, only one woman masturbating. My mind fixates on what certain potent images; her panties around her ankles, rocking back and forth as she fucks herself. Juices dripping down her bare thighs. Her face, full of masturbatory lust. Words like swollen, raw, and sweaty, flicker through my mind as she does this. Most importantly, I get turned on when I think about what she’s feeling. She’s a masturbation addict, a pussy rubber.

This last bit is important, and it’s the reason I wrote this post for the first time anywhere: at no other point in my life do I think about my own masturbation; not even during the act. It’s like I vicariously live through this one fictional woman’s humiliating orgasm, but until recently I never realized that I fit the idea of a masturbation addict. Moreover, the thought of myself as an addict does nothing to stimulate me…and I’m wondering if anyone else here has started in my position. I’m an adult, but I’m still a few decades junior to some of the top posters on here, and I’m hoping that someone might share elements of my experience. Again, I think of myself as having a relatively normal sexual orientation (i.e. not solo-sexual), but I am absolutely serious when I say that this is the only fantasy I ever have, and it is the most potent sexual idea I can possibly imagine. Nothing else comes to close to how strongly this turns me on, even though I don’t even exist in the fantasy. Did anyone else start with this sort of thing? What are your fantasy’s like now?

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by jy55us » Fri Jun 06, 2025 5:19 pm

First of all that is a hot scenario. I am 69, have had several relationships before marriage that were sexual. Some involved mutual masturbation, porn (mostly magazines shared together, later with another one, VCR tapes. A couple of group sessions that evolved int what I would call pseudo orgies? Anyway,my favorite go-to is also female masturbation clips, and also now, videos showing women masturbating to porn like I do, or female voiceovers encouraging me to masturbate over images that become a focus. As much as I love tits, I love ass, as much as I love pussy, I love legs. You get the idea. So when the encourage you to focus specific parts of the body, or what they are wearing, etc, it hyper focuses you.
In YOUR fantasy, if you saw a video that specifically encouraged you to focus on the specifics you need in your fantasy, it would likely be heaven on a certain level. I personally am married, live a balanced life overall. I love porn, I have no guilt and masturbate often. However my wife, once very sexual, has had health issues and as virtually no libido anymore, because of surgeries. So I do not want to actually cheat, although on 2-3 occasion over more than 40 years I did actually have physical encounters outside of marriage, one was with 2 women more several extended mutual masturbation sessions, and one, from a woman I went to high school with, who used to love to masturbate alone and with other people, and we re-encountered each other, she had no siblings or significant other, and lived alone in her parent’s house. I made arrangement, and we got together to watch porn and masturbate together. I also, during a darker part in my marriage, met a woman that I actually thought I would possibly get divorced for, but I basically could not do it, something I regret, because of how I hurt her. She deserved better. My wife never knew of these things, they were years apart, and now. except for some phone sex, and some time on Discord with like-minded others, I keep my sexuality to myself. The point is it does not start there. Everyone’s story is unique.

Your fantasy could lead you down a rabbit hole of searches for something like what you imagine. So long as you hurt no one, I see nothing wrong with it. Just don’t obsess over WORRYING about normal vs abnormal.

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Unread post by brnout » Fri Jun 06, 2025 10:46 pm

RichardBrook, you might want to look into your own feelings and fantasies, about what would it be like if you yourself were to be interrupted—caught literally with your pants down, stroked past the point of no return, and exposed as a chronically addicted masturbator? Not that you are, necessarily, but how would that make you feel? Some of us here might find the embarrassment and humiliation pretty damned hot. Does that work for you? What if you and your fantasy partner were masturbating together to some vivid porn, and you were interrupted together? Is it a one-off thing or a long-lasting intimate arrangement? Is your attachment turning into love (i.e. betrayal)? What if she were a seductive, manipulative homewrecker? What if she was your sister-in-law, or otherwise taboo? Is it different if it’s your wife who busts you, or someone else? What if it’s your wife, and she wants to join you? What if she then focuses on your wanky-babe partner and ignores you? What if there are several people? What if your porn is so hot that they all want to join in?