How I became a chronic addicted masturbator – Onania Masturbator Forum

by fallen_nun » Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:09 pmI want to give a fair warning that this details the beginning of abuse I suffered at the hands of an adult when I was a kid. It makes me horny and ashamed and I never masturbate without remembering it in vivid detail. Sharing it makes me deeply ashamed and horny. If this offends you then it’s probably best that you don’t read this.

When I was young, I couldn’t stop masturbating. Any chance I got I would be diddling and grabbing between my legs. My mother would berate me constantly and tell me that I was dirty and sinful. Eventually I tried to hide it even though I kept wanting to do it, and she would catch me. This solidified her belief that I was inherently sinful and took me to the church to force me to confess my wickedness.

She found a deacon who was willing to listen to her and she told me that I needed more help than what she could give me. He offered to speak to me privately for a little bit. We sat in his small office and he asked me if what my mother was saying was true. He called it diddling. I told him that my mother had caught me “diddling” my privates. He told me that wanting to do it wasn’t bad, but I should stop because doing it too much wasn’t okay and God would be upset with me for diddling my privates.

Talking about this makes me want to masturbate my genitals.

I tried not to but I couldn’t help it and my mother would bring me back to the same deacon over and over to “confess” about my masturbation. Soon he recommended a small physical discipline to maybe frighten me into stopping my compulsive masturbating. She allowed him to do whatever he thought would scare the desire out of me.

He took me into his office and told me that my mother said I was still diddling my privates. I was so ashamed and admitted I was. He said that he wants to help me and explained to me that in the same way that my mother might spank me to discipline me for something I did wrong at home, he would spank me because I was doing something wrong under God. He put me over his lap and pulled down my panties and spanked me – it probably wasn’t very hard or violent but I was scared and upset and so embarrassed. It happened many, many times before I became aware of his erection poking my belly when he gradually began to spank me more aggressively.

But when he was done, I went home and immediately began to diddle my privates. Even though I knew that my mother might catch me again and I would be spanked, I couldn’t help but grab and masturbate myself. This started a long cycle of shame that is directly connected to my arousal.

Even now as I recount the beginning of what is quite honestly abuse, my pussy jumps and twitches, begging to be rubbed and violated. I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t feel this way.

There are many more things that he ended up doing to me that I masturbate daily to. I’m in therapy and learning how to process and deal with all the feelings and trauma but I am still diddling my privates to the thoughts of my own violation.

Source: (7) How I became a chronic addicted masturbator – Onania Masturbator Forum