As I write this, it’s been over 30 days since I last masturbated. Consciously giving up jerking off is a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I’m not alone in thinking that. Another VICE writer from Australia admits it was hard after he beat me to publishing a story about this last week. I suppose I feel some kind of brotherhood with him, but mainly I’m just upset that I agreed to this assignment in the first place.
I’ve been masturbating since the age of 12 when I first discovered porn while using dial-up internet on my family’s computer. In those days, I had to be smart when I jerked it, because anyone could have walked in. Luckily for me, I never had to face the humiliation endured by many, including George Costanza, when a family member walks in mid-stroke. At some point in my life jerking off just felt like second nature, like tying my shoes or combing my beard. When I first decided to give it up, I didn’t consider I’d have to find a new pre-bedtime activity. I didn’t consider I’d have to avoid boredom, have colder showers, and stop touching my penis in anyway except to pee. I began reading and writing a lot more. I did yoga in the morning and kegel exercises whenever I felt particularly on edge. In fact, I found kegel exercises to the best remedy for a painful NRB—No Reason Boner—not to mention the long-term health benefits for men and women alike.