Observed masturbating without permission
I was already deeply addicted to masturbating by this point. Every night I was rubbing and humping. Sometimes I was sitting at my computer (facing away from the window) looking at porn and diddling my privates, or in bed putting something in my holes.
Anyway, I usually kept my blinds down but open. It never occurred to me that people would see me or be watching me do anything in my room. If they did, it meant that they’d have to have parked somewhere off the highway and make their way through the woods and brambles to get to my window.
One summer night I was particularly horny and was jerking off in my bed, in the dark. I remember I was face down, humping my hands really aggressively. The blinds were down, but open. The window was opened a bit as well. I remember I was fully dressed except I pulled my pants down so my butt was exposed while I masturbated. After I came, i made my way to get out of bed but saw a large silhouette in my window.
Being someone of the “freeze” group of fight/flight/freeze, I simply laid back down and forced myself to close my eyes as though I hadn’t seen anything at all. I stayed like that for what felt like hours until I peeked and saw there was nobody there.
My realization of the potential circumstances occurred multiple times over several weeks after that – they saw me masturbating. How many times? Did they see me when I was looking at that nasty porn on my computer? Could they hear me grunting and panting and whining? Did they hear the dirty stuff I babbled and mumbled to myself while I was jerking off? Was it one person or more??? I think I went a whole month without masturbating because I was so shaken.
Eventually I started up again because obviously. But I would get this deep fear in my belly about being seen again even though I had closed my blinds entirely. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. But I was also really horny and insatiable. It would be a couple years again before I would ever open my window or blinds at night but it did deeply impact my masturbation.
I couldn’t stop thinking about if there were more than just that one person, how long had they watched me for? I remember one theory I dreamed up while masturbating about it, was maybe they were a trucker who parked on the highway overnight, and maybe tried to go into the bushes to piss, but because he was obviously a pervert, saw that there were houses just a little further in, and wanted to see if he could see inside, and came across my window. What if he told his trucker friends about what he found and they’d make a pit stop on their journey to come and see if I was in my room masturbating? What if they came in groups and pumped their penises outside my window? What if they filmed me and sent it to their pervy friends? If I went outside and looked at the back of the house, would I see their cumstains on the siding?
I’ll never actually know but it impacted me in a huge way.
Source: (182) Observed masturbating without permission – Onania Masturbator Forum
I wonder how much I am able to understand your pure horror by that experience. Only partially naturally.
At first some old German general phrases: “Time heals all wounds”, and “Grass grows over it”. This is a steady process even now after some years although the curve flattens at lower levels now.
The situation: Wouldn’t you not have noticed the person any times before? “A large silhouette” sounds noticeable. I think he was a little thoughtless, he should have come to the same idea. He could have ducked down, but he did not. So I suppose this was a spontaneous first time for him. The following years the blinds were closed. So it happened only once.
“One summer night I was particularly horny and was jerking off in my bed, in the dark.” How dark was it? Pleae calculate yourself how much he could see. Your face? Surely not. Some light skin of your butt, some motions. That was all. Filming it impossible I think, or almost unusable content.
Have you received a “material” impact? With all cautiousness I would say no. No video identifying you. One horny memory in one stranger’s head. No more.
But again, I am not the one to estimate your trauma, still nowadays. I think about half of all masturbators, means 80% of mankind, has been caught once or even more. By family member, relative, friend. Still contact with many of them nowadays, they have seen and “know”. How heavy does this weigh? Up to you to compare.
I wish you a nice masturbatory life and good luck in general.
Sorry that had at the time the terrible consequence of you feeling not right and vulnerable about being found masturbating. But it was his crime or misdemeanor not yours. You coming here to talk about it is a sign that you are processing it still but that you are working your ay round it.
I think there must be other stresses that make you want to alleviate them through wanking. Most of us do the same but you I hope focus on times when not stressed and wank as much.