The guilt is probably a big part of why it’s so hard to stop masturbating to the traumatic memories. You experience an objectively (or at least superficially) pleasurable sensation at recalling something that was abusive and inappropriate, and your mind, sense of right and wrong, and sense of self have trouble making sense of that. That conflict in and of itself is very stressful–how to resolve that? (And how does a child articulate that to an adult or some other trusted person to even try to make sense of it , even if (1) she wants to, or (2) she HAS an adult she trusts at that level (because aside from this being a pretty sensitive and embarrassing/shame-inducing topic, it may have been those same adults who allowed her to be in this position in the first place.How is the young person supposed to reconcile all those conflicts internally? Yet it sounds like that’s what you’ve had to try to do. It’s very hard. Masturbation is how a lot of us process (I won’t say “resolve”) those sorts of conflicts.
Source: (81) Reliving past abuse, and feelings of arousal? – Page 2 – Onania Masturbator Forum