Letting Go of Shame: Gooning for Beginners

Hey men (and ladies),

Some men are not into gooning and that’s ok. But since we’re an inquisitive bunch of pathetic hand pumpers, wiener shiners, testicle ticklers and unabashed pleasure perverts – we can talk about this kind of stuff. In fact you probably have your dick hanging out of your shorts right now – or you’re fully nude in the middle of a long jerk session. This is a safe zone for discussion of pleasure.

Does it embarrass you to be called pathetic? Do you get hard knowing you’re a jerkoff? To know your penis makes the rules in your life? That pussy was made for you, but you won’t ever get it because you’ve just become too addicted to the jerky jerk pleasure of getting your own genitals greasy and making yourself squirt?

Hey, your semen isn’t going anywhere productive. It’s wasted seed that is ejaculated through nobody’s help but your own
jerking hand. And that’s ok. Part of a higher pleasure in humans is assisted by the act of letting go. Let your need to be an alpha male making decisions all the time go. The pressure to hunt pussy and cum inside. The urge to procreate falls away when you realize all that money and time you might have spent on family life can now be spent on getting naked, spreading your legs, firing up the nastiest, most delicious pornography you can find and getting to the edge over and over so often that people wonder where you’ve been? And the truth? You’ve been pumping your weiner or rubbing your twat non-stop for months, focused on the pleasure of your genitals into the night.

Since we’ve established we’re a bit helpless when it comes to the needs of our own slicked up or aroused private parts, we can talk about the definition of a GOONER. What do you think about when you hear the word “goon”. I think of an idiot. A person who can’t think much for himself. Someone who doesn’t think very hard about things. In relation to jerking off, a gooner is similar: Gooning is the act of getting lost in the heightening maze of primal pleasure. A gooner is someone who has let go.

Have you ever felt embarrassed to yell loudly when you cum in front of other people? Hide the outline of your breasts or genitals within your underwear, pants and sweaters? Have you been worried to share your fetishes and pleasures with even your most intimate friends and partners? Did your wife ever tell you she doesn’t like you to be aggressive or to be verbal during sex?

These are roadblocks to true pleasure. You also have worries: Is my penis too small? My balls hang too low. I’m not attractive to girls. I only cum a little bit or I need medication or a penis pump to get me hard. I’m too embarrassed to be caught in a pair of my wife’s panties even though I want to try. These are all the worries of someone who is not letting go. These are worries that disappear when you realize you can love what you already have and nobody else needs to validate any of it.

Gooning is the absence of social worry. Gooning means touching yourself in ways you never have before. Masturbating your penis to the point of orgasm and slowing down or stopping over… and over… and over. Society might tell you that jerking off is looked down upon but you’ve taken it up a notch – in fact you masturbate in ways that most people could never dream about. Using new lubes to see if it feels good and if it does, maybe only using the tips of your fingers to rub your frenulum while touching your anus at the same time. Clicking on new types of porn for exciting new adventures all while getting to the edge and raising your pleasure again and again. Using an electronic toothbrush to run around your foreskin while rubbing your cockhead on the tv screen between a beautiful co-ed’s titties.

At some point your mind starts to drift. You realize it’s 12am and you should have been in bed at 10. You have 15 porn tabs open and can’t seem to stop opening more. Your cock is so horny that it’s dripping pre-cum down to your ballbag and you use the pre-cum to lube yourself back up for a new bukkake video or interracial gangbang. You’re trying new things. Looking at bi videos. Watching a man get his cock and balls spanked and slapped to a hands-free orgasm by a dom mommy. Maybe you are watching an anime porn of huge-breasted women getting fucked into a frenzy by a group of muscled up wolf-men.

Get to the edge, masturbator. How does that feel? Does it feel so good you want to moan? Moan. Moan LOUDLY. Spread your legs wide because nobody is there to tell you to get dressed or stop manspreading. Ladies, try putting the head of the dildo into your ass and fap with your mouth open to the thought of your wet pussy smelling up the room as you grind your hand against your fat clitoris.

Get to the edge. Your balls will start pulling up and your mind is telling you you’re going to nutt. Right before cumming, open your mouth and moan and stick your tongue out. Fuck your hand like a pussy – the pussy you will NEVER get. Hump and fuck and pump and rub your cock against your hand or fleshlight or pillow and talk to yourself. Say the words that turn you on out loud:

Semen
Pussy-Free beta
Masturbation
I love my PEENIS
I want to shoot my semen
I’m a loser masturbator
I’m a cocksucker
Fuck me fuck me fuck me
My pussy owns me

Find words you have never said out loud and say them. You’re alone in private. You can do or say anything you like. If you’ve already forgotten what time it is (3:22am), you’re gooning. Get lost brothers and sisters. Let your genitals tell you what to do and what to say and what to look at on your phone or computer. Edge again. Then again. Get up to get some water and then come back and realize now you have 50 tabs open on your browser and you’re planning to see every one before cumming. You’re sweating, grunting and can smell your own dick and balls in the room. Open up a dirty magazine to a woman spreading her pussy and rub your penis head on it and lightly pinch your nipple and tell her what you’re going to do to her. Stick your penis into your pillow deep and see if you can cum just by fucking it. Lift your arm up and smell your armpit. Does the musk smell good to you? Keep sniffing it while you fuck into your greasy fleshlight knowing that even though your neighbors and friends are asleep getting ready for a productive day, all you care about is ONE thing: Manipulating your own aching, bloated, horny genitals to a point where your legs are shaking and you don’t care what time you have to get up tomorrow. And it feels incredible.