Masturbation Emergency!
Post by masturboy » Fri Sep 15, 2023 12:36 pm
Alexis sat at her desk, wearing a bra and panties underneath skimpy lingerie and wearing a headset with a microphone. It was 8:30 on a Friday morning. She barely had a chance to get her first sip of coffee when the first red light appeared on the phone bank before her. She pressed the pickup button.
“Masturbation Emergency Hotline,” she said, her long blond curls falling over her shoulders and onto her ample breasts. “What’s your masturbation emergency?”
She heard a feminine sigh of exasperation on the other end of the line. “It’s my son,” the caller said. “He simply cannot stop playing with himself. He missed the bus again this morning. And now I’ll have to drive him to school and explain why he was late or simply let him stay home naked all day and … “
“Masturbate?” Alexis said, finishing the weary mom’s sentence.
“Yes,” she said. “Masturbate. He went to sleep naked after masturbating all night. He started right in masturbating again first thing this morning. He hasn’t even touched the school clothes I laid out for him. The whole house smells like boy sauce.”
“I see. And your son is naked now? Is he able to stop masturbating in your presence?”
“No. In fact, my watching seems to make him masturbate even more intensely.”
“Sounds like a classic case of CMS, ma’am,” Alexis said.
“CMS?” the woman responded.
“Chronic Masturbator Syndrome. It’s very common among teenage boys. Frequent nudity. Inability to focus on anything other than masturbation. A lack of inhibition with regards to masturbating when others are present. Your son shows all the signs.”
“What should I do?”
“Currently, there is no cure for CMS. Masturbation experts advise placing no masturbatory restrictions on the masturbator. Studies show that CMS sufferers are more comfortable when nude, and it is advised to let them remain nude as often as possible.”
“Oh, my poor boy,” the mom said.. “He’s on his knees naked now and playing with his hard needy tallywacker right in front of me even as we speak. But I don’t want him to suffer.”
“More masturbation, ma’am. That’s the best remedy. Does he have any sick days remaining from school?”
“Yes. Two more.”
“Good. Just let him stay home today. Make sure he remains nude and let him masturbate all day long. Openly and wantonly. Oh, and tell ol’ bate boy to give it a few strokes for me and the girls.”
The mom laughed. Alexis loved it when she could bring comfort to those affected by chronic masturbation.
“I sure will,” the mom said. “Thank you so much!” “
“Just doing my job, ma’am. Remember. More Masturbation.”
Alexis found so much satisfaction in her job. She sipped the coffee again. Looked to her left, then to her right. Julie was at the Masturbation Station to her right, laughing after getting off the phone with an adult married male who just got caught by his wife and college age daughter with his hands in the cookie jar. To Alexis’s left, Mandy was talking down a single male masturbator who had been edging for 48 hours straight without cumming.
“That’s it, Gooner,” Mandy said in a soothing voice. “Just point your dick at your face, open wide and let it fly … you’ll feel so much better.”
Alexis’s phone bank flashed again. Break over.
“Masturbation Emergency Hotline. What’s your masturbation emergency?”
A timid male voice said, hello. After a pause … “I think I may be solosexual,” he said.
“I see,” Alexis said, smiling. “Let me ask you, have you ever had any pussy?”
“Yes, but that was long ago,” he said. “For a long time all I have done is … “
“Masturbate?” Alexis interrupted, finishing his sentence.
“Yes,” he said. “Masturbate.”
“Well, masturbator .. oh, can I call you masturbator?” Yes, please. “Thank you. Masturbator. Can I ask, when was the last time you had pussy?’”
The masturbator did not hesitate to answer. “2,853 days,” he said. Alexis couldn’t help but giggle. “Wow,, that is some pussy-free streak. Almost 8 years. I’m impressed. And how often do you … you know… Masturbate?”
“Daily. Sometimes I masturbate several times a day. I can’t get enough,” the masturbator said, his breathing quickening.
“I see. That sure is a lot of masturbation. It is quite clear to me that you prefer masturbating to sex. You really really love to masturbate. I don’t know about you, masturbator, but I am convinced that you are a solosexual. Let me ask, are you naked right now? Are you masturbating at this very moment?”
“Yes, I am. And yes, I am.”
Alexis smiled, turned toward Mandy and winked. Pointing at the line, she silently mouthed the words to Mandy: “SOLOSEXUAL!” Mandy giggled and gave a thumbs up.
“Well that’s good, masturbator,” Alexis said, now addressing the solosexual again. “I would advise you to come out of the closet and let every woman in your life know that you are a pussy-free chronically masturbating solosexual? Can you do that for me?”
“Yes,” he panted. “My ex wife and my ex girlfriend already know about my chronic masturbation. I will tell them both today!”
“Great, and congratulations!” Alexis said. “Time to flaunt your Solosexual Pride! Keep stroking! And remember: No Pussy. See ya later, masturbator!”
She heard the masturbator moan in orgasmic ecstasy as she hung up the phone. The phone lit up immediately with another caller.
“Masturbation Emergency Hotline! What’s your masturbation emergency?”
“I love to Masturbate!” the caller moaned, his voice coated in desperation. Alexis recognized the caller immediately as one of her frequent FistFuck Friday stroke monkeys.
“Well,” she said, cheerfully, “if it isn’t my favorite Bator Boy! What can I do for you? Actually, I’m guessing that dick of yours is in very good, ahem, hands right now, huh?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said. “I’m gonna stay butt-ass naked all weekend and have a masturbation marathon!” he said.
“Ah, hah,” she said, giggling. “FistFuck Friday? Followed by Bate Date Night? Then Solosexual Sunday? Good for you, Masturstud. Show that hand who’s boss!”
“Oh, yeah!” he moaned, obviously in total goon land. “My dick and my hand – that’s the plan! I love being a Masturbator!”
“Well, thanks for calling,” Alexis said. “But I’ve got more masturbation cases to tend to. Have fun, wankee-doodle!”
She looked over at Julie, who gave her a knowing smile. “Chronic masturbators are so cute,” Julie said.
Alexis’s phone lit up again. “Masturbation Emergency Hotline! What’s your masturbation emergency?”
“Yes,” a concerned male said. “I think I have a masturbation problem.”
“I see,” she said. “”And why is that?”
“Well, I’ve been naked and masturbating all morning. I will probably masturbate all day tomorrow. And even when my friend Lyn stops by Sunday to visit after church, I will probably still be naked and unable to refrain from masturbating in her presence. Not that she will care. She’ll just laugh her ass off, as usual.”
“Ok … And what’s the problem?”
“Well, that’s exactly what I did last weekend – and the weekend before that. In fact, I make sure to set the alarm early on weekdays so I will have at least two hours of morning Masturbation before work each day. Then I spend the entire weekend naked and masturbating, masturbating, masturbating. So you see …”
Alexis interrupted. “Again, I’ll ask: what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know, I guess … “
Alexis knew. She could hear it the tone of his vioice. “I think I know what the problem is,” she said, sounding upbeat. “Did you just stroke yourself to an orgasm? Are you naked and covered in your own cum right now?”
Yes and yes.
“You just have bator’s remorse, my friend,” Alexis said cheerfully. “You need to call up some tumblr porn on your laptop, scan Onania Discord and get back in the masturbation game, that’s all.”
“You think?”
“Sure,” she said. “You don’t have a Mastubation Problem. You have a Masturbation Solution! Now get back to masturbating, OK.”
“Thank you!”
She hung up, smiling. No sooner had she taken another sip than the line lit up red again.
“Masturbator Emergency Hotline. What’s your masturbation emergency?”
Alexis loves her job!
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