The Jerk Off — his story

As it turns out, i eat my own cum every single time i jerk off.  i’m sorry to

make this post so long, but i feel i have to put it into context why i eat my cum, and why i love eating it so much.  i’ve told my story within this forum several times before, but this time, i’ll try to concentrate on what part eating my cum plays in my life.

When i was a boy, i was not what you would call the typical young, cool, sports-minded Macho Male.  i was more of the intellectual type, so i suppose i was what you’d call a nerd.  i was very short, quiet, timid, shy, especially around the Girls.  So when i reached puberty, i lusted after all those unobtainable Girls more than You could ever imagine.  But there was no way i could ever bring myself to ask One on a date.  All i could do when i came home from school every day was to go to my room, lock the door, and jerk off while thinking about Them.

Yes, every day, i would jerk off again and again while thinking about all those sexy Girls.  Eventually, i worked up to jerking off every single day at least seven times in a row, and then several times more scattered throughout the day.  i also developed a lot of submissive feelings, and mixed my jerking off with lots of self-bondage, self-flagellation, and all sorts of other submissive acts and fantasies.  But every time i jerked off, it filled me with such self-loathing, knowing that this was all i could ever get.  i couldn’t bear to think about the pathetic, worthless creature i was, who would probably never get to fuck A Girl, and could only jerk off.

At that age, all The Boys in school would practice flexing Their Macho Personas by swearing at each other.  But of all the swear words that They used, the one that was meant to be the most devastating, was “jerk-off”.  You see, to be called a “jerk-off” didn’t just mean that you masturbated.  It was meant to imply that you were such a pathetic individual that you were totally incapable of getting A Woman, and never would.  Yet, here i was, with no Girlfriend, no prospect of ever getting one, and going home every night and jerking off.  A jerk-off is exactly what i was!

So yes, i often got called a jerk-off, but only because all The Boys called everyone a jerk-off, and whatever else They could think of, at one time or another.  It was just what They did at that age.  It’s not like Anyone knew.  i always insisted that i never jerked off – not even once in my whole life!  Even when i was older, and some of The Boys became more confident in Their Masculinity and admitted to sometimes masturbating, i still continued to always insist that i never even once, in my whole life, ever jerked off.  But any time Anyone ever called me a jerk-off, it used to cut through me like a knife; because deep down, i knew that was exactly what i was.

The only way i got through those years was to promise myself that one day, i would show Them all!  i would marry the most beautiful, classy, sexy Woman on Earth, and i would show Them all.  Every Man ever saw Her would ache for Her, right from His very soul.  But yet, it would be me who got to be married to Her, and Everyone would envy me.  i would be married to Her, and i’d never have to jerk off again.  i’d have a Wife who i could fuck whenever i want, and i’d never have to jerk off again.

i did eventually date some Girls, though not until i was much older; and it was even longer before i lost my virginity.  Part of it was that i kept my promise to myself.  i would only date Girls who were very good-looking and sexy.  So getting Them to date me was not easy.  i even had sex with several of Them, and nothing could be sweeter!  To actually fuck a Woman felt wonderful, and not just because of how good it felt physically.  But fucking a Woman meant i wasn’t really a jerk-off.

Yet, it never felt quite right.  i was always so self-conscious about it, that i often couldn’t get it up.  And even when i managed to, i would cum too soon.  So i was never very good at fucking a Woman.  But what saved me was that i was very good at knowing just how to touch a Woman; and my superior oral skills.

It may seem incredible, but somehow, i actually ended up marrying a beautiful, classy, sexy Woman who Everyone envies.  She’s several years younger than me, educated, intelligent, taller than me, and everything that any Man could want.  i never understood why i was lucky enough to have Her marry me, but marry me She did.  And to this day, both of us couldn’t be happier.  Of course, i never admitted to Her that i had these submissive feeling, or that i ever, even once in my life, jerked off.  i wasn’t secure enough to ever take off my macho disguise for fear that She would reject me.  Especially that i was never very good at fucking Her, even after several years of marriage.  i still had too many self-doubts for that.  But She loved the way i touched Her, and what i could do with my tongue and lips.

But after several years of marriage, it eventually all came out.  i confessed my entire history as a jerk-off, and all my submissive desires.  It wasn’t long after that before i became Her complete and total, 24/7 slave in every way.

At first, She still let me fuck Her.  But after a while, She said that i would be permitted to do that no more.  She still had me touch Her the way She liked, and demanded  use of my lips and tongue in every way You could imagine, at any time She wanted, day or night.  She would make me cum when She felt like it, often in the most painful and humiliating ways.

However, eventually, She declared that She was bored with making me cum, and that She would do it no more.  Instead, She put my on a schedule of when i was required to cum, but i’d have to do it by jerking off.  Not long after, She decided that i was now too degraded to make Her cum, not even with my mouth or tongue.  She declared that i would never, for the whole rest of my life, touch Her, nor any other Woman, ever again.  The only way i would ever again cum for the rest of my life, was to jerk off.

So One would think that i would now be in a living hell, but that’s not the case at all.  Instead, i love everything about my life, like i’ve never loved before.  There is no way i could ever be happier, and nothing i’d ever want to do to change.  i’ve never loved my Mistress/Wife more, and this is just the way that She wants it.  Because of the way i am, She loves me more than She ever has, too.

You see, She says that She’s come to realize that what She wants in a man is someone who will worship Her, no matter what She asks of him.  But if She gives him sex for it, She’ll never know if his love is for Her, or only for sex.  So She needs to know i love Her, for Her, and Her alone.

She says that it took a while for Her to come to terms with Her own feelings.  But after several years of marriage, She’s realized that that’s exactly why She married me.  Deep inside, She immediately realized that i was never really fit for fucking.  She saw that my role was always to worship a Woman, like only i was capable of.  So She worked towards bringing that out in me.  And by doing so, we now have the perfect marriage – just what both of us want.

What She needs to know is that i will worship Her, even while knowing that i will never have sex with Her, nor with any other Woman, ever again, for the whole rest of my life.  But even more than that, She needs to know that i still regard myself as the luckiest man in the world to be married to Her; that i’m therefore glad to be exactly what i am.  Yet even that is not enough for Her.  She says that for me to be truly worthy of Her, i have to be truly, sincerely proud of being exactly what i am.

But what is it that i am?  i can now say it loudly and proudly.  i’m a real and true, complete and total jerk-off.  i realize that a real and true, complete and total jerk-off is what i was always meant to be.  i realize that i was never meant to fuck a Woman – rather, just to worship Them from afar.  That’s what i’m really good for.  So i realize that the only way i will ever cum for the whole rest of my life is by jerking off.  But what could be more wonderful than that?  Because by being the jerk-off that i am, i get to love and serve my beautiful Mistress/Wife for the whole rest of my life.

So when i was a boy, i used to hate it whenever anybody called me a jerk-off.  As i said, it used to burn me down to my very soul.  i used to be so terribly ashamed of being the jerk-off that i was.  But now, my Mistress/Wife always addresses me as “jerk-off”.  She’s declared that this is now my full and only name.  However, every single time She now calls me jerk-off, a deep thrill runs through my whole body.  i love knowing that this is now my name, because this is truly what i am, and what i always really was.

i’m proud to make it known that my Mistress/Wife moderates every single moment of my life, and i believe that that’s the way it ought to be.  i wouldn’t want it to be any other way.  Therefore,  She even gets to specify the exact manner in which i’m required to jerk off.  She first says that She never again wants to witness it, because watching a jerk-off cum is a repulsive act She never again wants to have to see.  However, She realizes it’s what a jerk-off needs to do.  In fact, She’s found that if She doesn’t allow me to jerk off, i get too horny to be able to devote my full attention to properly serving Her every need.  But if i jerk off too much, i’ll be too apathetic to serve Her properly, too.  She therefore requires me to jerk off exactly twice a week, as She’s found that to be just the perfect amount.  But She requires that i do it in my room all alone, by myself, because that’s the way a jerk-off should be required to jerk-off.

You see, She says that if i’m really proud of being a jerk-off, i should love feeling exactly what a real and true jerk-off is supposed to feel – that i’m performing some gross, disgusting, physical act, because in my heart, i know that i’m incapable of ever fucking a Woman.  But She says that i need to love experiencing that feeling, because i should realize that only by being what i am, do i get to love and worship Her.  So She says that i need to do everything i possibly can to enhance that feeling of being a real and true jerk-off.  And the more that i feel like that’s truly what i am, and was always meant to be, the more i should learn to love it.

So that’s why She has also ordered that every single time i jerk off, i must always eat up every single drop of my own cum.  i must admit that when She first started making me do it, i found it very hard to do.  Not only did i find it repulsive, but i found it extremely humiliating.  Of course, like so many others have said, it’s easy enough to want to eat it before you cum.  But once you cum, it becomes a lot harder to force yourself to do.

However, in all honesty, forcing yourself is what it takes; at least at first.  Because once you cum, the desire to eat it is gone.  Therefore, to just get me used to the taste of it, my Mistress/wife used to have me freeze it, and make me eat it the next time i jerked off, just before i actually started to jerk off.  To tell you the truth, that never mattered much, because i never found the taste of my cum all that repulsive; really mostly tasteless; just a bit salty.  i’ve also heard some say that the odor of cum is a lot like Clorox.  Until others made me aware of it, though, i never even noticed that.  It actually always smelled kind of sexy to me.

Still, once i would cum, i always lost the desire to eat it.  But it wasn’t like it was a strong repulsion.  It’s just that it didn’t taste especially good, and i wasn’t horny anymore so i didn’t care if it smelled sexy.  So it was more like, “What for?”

But my Mistress/Wife did force me to eat it, and i think that’s really the whole trick.  Plus, She did one other thing that i think was essential in training me to want to always eat my own cum.  She continued to have me freeze it, and then defrost it just before the next time i would jerk off.  But She now wouldn’t feed it to me until just before i was ready to cum, ordering me not to swallow until after i came.  So when i came, i’d have a mouth full of cum, with the taste of it in my throat.  i therefore learned to associate the taste of cum in my throat with having an orgasm.  And once i came, it wasn’t such a big deal to just swallow it.  Actually, it felt vaguely relaxing to just let it slide down my throat as my excitement subsided.  In fact, i think it would have been more disgusting if She forced me to spit it out.

These days, my Mistress/Wife requires me to collect my cum in a little tray every time i jerk off, and then eat it up with a spoon afterwards, slowly savoring each and every spoonful as i roll it around my tongue, and let it slide down my throat.  And i now really love doing it, because it provides the closure She trained me to anticipate.

But my Mistress/Wife always has a very good reason for ordering me to do everything that She asks me to do.  So the question is, “Why?”  Why does She have me eat up every drop of my own cum every time i jerk off?

my Mistress/Wife has made me realize that the only way i could possibly get to eat my own cum in the manner i do, is because i’m the jerk-off that i am.  In other words, i know that there are some Men who like eating “cream-pies”.  But if that’s what i were doing, i’d be licking my cum out of a Woman’s Cunt.  However, the only way i’d have every drop of my cum in a little tray ready for me to eat, is because i just jerked off.  So as i savor each drop according to Her orders, this thought runs through my mind.  And knowing what a wonderful life i have being the jerk-off that i am, it makes each drop taste like its own little reward.

But there’s other reason, too, that my Mistress/Wife has for making me eat my own cum.  She’s made me realize that there’s nothing more gross than a jerk-off’s cum; for if i were a Real Man, my cum would be in a Woman’s Cunt.  But because i’m the pathetic jerk-off that i am, my cum is just a disgusting waste product of my filthy little habit that needs to be discarded of.  In fact, She says that to a Woman like Her, my cum is so disgusting, that She doesn’t even want it defiling Her toilet, or even the trash receptacle.  She says that the only receptacle suitable for the disposal of a jerk-off’s cum is in the belly of a jerk-off.  So She says that as i devour it, i must also reflect on how disgusting my cum is, being that it’s totally useless for all other purposes.  But that should make me glad to be the jerk-off that i am, to be my Mistress/Wife’s jerk-off, because i have the honor of serving as the receptacle for Her jerk-off’s cum.

So my Mistress/Wife says that as a jerk-off, i should be glad to devour my own cum, because by my cum being so useless for fucking, it allows me to be the perfect slave, whose only purpose is to worship and serve Her.  So i’ve come to actually look so forward to eating my own cum after i jerk off, because with each drop of my cum that i devour, i get to reflect on just how lucky i am.  It makes me so aware that i just jerked off, and that only by being the jerk-off that i am, do i get to live the wonderful life that i have.  By being the jerk-off that i am, i know that i will never, ever again get to touch another Woman, for the whole rest of my life.  But by being the jerk-off that i am, i get to worship and serve my Mistress/Wife for the whole rest of my life.  And what could be better than that?

the jerk-off