In the Onania Masturbator Forum, a Masturbator Wrote:
I’m new to this site and I’m enjoying reading your masturbation stories, confessions and logs. I see that new users cannot send private messages until they’ve participated on the forum and so I’m here to introduce myself and engage in discussion.
I’m a 30-year-old male and I’ve been a compulsive masturbator and online porn addict since I was about 13. I’ve had sex only twice in my life, both times with a different hooker, one night after the other, when I was 28-years-old. Both times I struggled to maintain an erection (and thus I failed to orgasm) whilst fucking her, but I did manage to orgasm on the second occasion whilst I was rimming and sniffing her anus (my favourite masturbatory fantasy) and she was sucking me off. In high school, despite being relatively socially awkward, I did manage to receive a couple of hand jobs and blow jobs from high school girls, and I did also have a couple of short-lived relationships with girls, but since then (besides my two brothel visits) I’ve been strictly solo when it comes to getting off.
I often mull over the psychology of sexual desire and gratification in both men and women and I frequently utilise the sexual dysfunction of both myself and others as masturbatory fodder, and I enjoy analysing and discussing the psychology of sex/porn/masturbation addicts with others. In a way, I get off on the perversity of my getting off on my being such a sexual (and hence social) deviant and failure. My sexual dysfunction renders my social skills relatively weak, particularly when it comes to trying to seduce women (which is not something I have attempted to do much of anyway) as my fear of exposing my dysfunction to scrutiny from others leads me to being generally avoidant which further cripples my social skills and confidence with women, and thus in the end like a vicious cycle my dysfunction is exposed to a degree anyway as people who are relatively normal, self-aware, healthy and functional can easily sniff out a deviant like me simply by the way I carry myself. Having said that, in real life I do hold down a job, I have a mortgage, a few friends and some non-masturbatory hobbies, and so I am relatively functional in that sense. It’s just that I am constantly single, and thus I am a chronic masturbator.
My masturbatory fantasies and porn materials are generally masochistic in nature and revolve around the idea of my being dominated by women who are taking advantage of my psychological weaknesses by sexually humiliating me. These fantasies extend to, for example, the idea of my mind and body being probed and dominated, humiliated and degraded by a strong woman in a position of authority (such as a sex therapist) for her own gratification, rather than have her attempt to genuinely help me improve myself. My other favourite fantasy is the idea of my recording “creep” videos and taking pictures of sexy girls in public (I have never actually done this in real life) and then for the girl/s I am creeping on to catch me in the act and to sexually punish (dominate) me for being a creepy, pathetic loser. As such, the idea of reform and sexual normalisation for myself seems to be somewhat remote at this point as I feel that one needs to begin genuinely wanting such changes to occur in the first place before the possibility of eventually achieving them could potentially actualise, and yet I probably don’t genuinely want to change my sexuality just yet as my orgasms from my masturbatory fantasies (and rare indulgences with hookers thus far) are extremely potent. I’m addicted and I love it.
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