From the dictionary: nasty 1) physically filthy; disgustingly unclean: 2) morally filthy; obscene; indecent:

I was about five when my mom told me not to touch her soiled Kotex pad in the bathroom wastebasket. “It’s nasty!” she said. It was the first time the word registered in my mind. Immediately I realized that piss was nasty. Shit was nasty. (Wash your hands!)

A couple of years later I stuck my finger in my butt and then made my cousin Carolyn smell it as a prank. I got spanked for being “nasty”. Soon after that my cousin led me into somebody’s car and pulled her panties down. Then she demonstrated how she “played nasty” with her little pussy, teasing it with a bobby pin. I still remember the little “plip plip plip” sound of the hair pin going in and out of her slit. My uncle saw us through the car window and laughed, but never told anyone, I think. Maybe my dad.

Fast forward to puberty.

 It was nasty to masturbate, they said. First of all, just touching your penis was dirty. You were supposed to wash after touching it when you peed. I was already conditioned to believe that what came out of your crotch was “nasty”. Piss, shit … wash your hands! So semen was nasty too, obviously. That precum stuff was slick and really nasty, I guess. I thought it wasn’t as nasty as pee, though, even if it came out of the same slit. Playing with your penis and getting cum on yourself just had to be terribly nasty, I assumed. (I didn’t ask anybody. I just knew it was nasty.)  Masturbating in the shower kind of made it better … a way to be clean after being ‘nasty”; the cum just went down the drain, even. Playing with my butthole when masturbating came along later in puberty, but I knew that it was even nastier, too. Masturbating with, or having your best high school buddy masturbate you was so amazing, but very nasty!

Fucking was said to be even nastier. I don’t know where I first associated the term “nasty” with fucking, maybe my mother told me. Maybe I got it from my friend’s porn magazine. But it had to be nasty anyway. You put your penis – already a nasty object – into a girl’s vagina. Her vagina was where that nasty feminine stain on Kotexes came from; and she peed from there too! Nasty!

But wait a minute!

I realized one day that there was some lying going on! Adults were lying to us about “nasty” things and making them all sound “bad”!. Almost every time something was labeled nasty by an adult, I was discovering that down the line there was a hidden reward for the nastiness! Feminine pads were part of the magical mystery of a woman’s vagina. Cousin Carolyn played with her pussy for me after I made her smell my finger! Masturbating produced nasty cum from my dirty penis; but the orgasm felt better than anything else I had ever experienced! Pussies were unclean, penises were unclean. Fucking was supposed to be nasty, but I was pretty sure I was going to eventually discover that there was a reward for “doing the nasty”. The whole wonderful thing was nasty! So much of what was supposed to be “nasty” wasn’t “bad” at all; in fact incredibly erotic and rewarding! Why were they calling it nasty??? Was that just a way to control us and scare us? Goddamn adults!

 As I became an adult myself, I began to discover that there was also a hierarchy of nastiness that had to do with sex acts. Masturbating was “bad”, yes, but other things were worse! There was fellatio: putting your nasty cock in someone’s mouth! If you spurted your nasty semen in their mouth that was even worse! They might even swallow it!!! If your girlfriend sucked on your dick after it had been in her obscene pussy, that was extremely nasty! And forget how nasty it was to taste your own cum on her lips if she kissed you after sucking your dick!  And that wasn’t even as nasty as cunnilingus! Licking a pussy and sticking your tongue in there??? How disgusting! She peed out of there! She menstruated out of it! And there was all this nasty juice that came out when you fingered her vagina or kissed it! It was even more nasty if you had stuck your dirty cock in already! Ick! Iiiiccckkk!

 And cremepie? Oh god, that was the dirtiest of all! Licking her cunt with your cum running out of it??? How awful! The only thing that could possibly be worse was licking somebody else’s cum out of it!!! And then how filthy to kiss her mouth and let her taste your cum (or somebody else’s) and her pussy juices on your lips.

Let’s not talk about masturbating into your mom’s bra cup in the laundry room, okay? Or sniffing and licking at the crotch of your aunt’s dirty panties after she’s gone home. Or getting hard and masturbating when you realize the cum stains in your dad’s porn magazine are his. Or hiding your friend’s sock full of his cum under your mattress after he stayed over one night. Nasty! I won’t even get into sucking that stuff out of your girlfriend’s nipples, whatever it is.

But then eventually we learned stuff about anuses! Even more nasty! Sticking something in there? (Cousin Carolyn got me spanked because I stuck my finger in there.) That’s where shit comes from!!! Nasty! Licking it? Indecent! Really nasty! Sticking your tongue inside there? Oh Jesus, you might taste the shit!!! Soooo nasty! Sticking your cock in there? Not only was it the wrong hole, but your nasty cock combined with a nasty shit hole was “disgustingly unclean AND morally filthy”. And fellatio afterwards? Don’t even go there!

Nasty, nasty, nasty!

But erotic, nonetheless. The word has become code for erotic, right? Having a girl ask you to “be nasty” with her gives you an instant erection, correct? Licking your wife’s cremepie after a cuck session?  Obscene! All those things that they told you were nasty – and they are nasty! – pay off with such rewards!

Finally: I have to warn you that as an adult, masturbating all the time when you have a perfectly good partner to have sex with is “physically filthy; disgustingly unclean; morally filthy; obscene; and indecent.”

How can you be so nasty???

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