Earl Flen: Thoughts on Married Masturbation

In the Onania Masturbator Forum, a Masturbator Wrote:

Thoughts on Married Masturbation


Why do us married guys masturbate? Can’t we just fuck our wives? (We don’t really have any excuse for jacking off) Does wifey know you masturbate? Does wifey know how MUCH you masturbate? Uhh … does wifey masturbate?

Listen, first of all fucking is not just about pussy. Fucking is a partnership thing. Most husbands are more concerned with giving her what she needs than with just getting some pussy. For most of us it’s about her and about both of us. Fortunately she usually feels the same way about us, and that makes it work out just fine. Wifey makes sure we cum in her pussy and get the whole 9 yards of fucking. Most husbands, most wives. Partnership. Sure, there are some other relationships. Ask somebody else about that. Not us normal run-of-the-mill husbands.

Masturbating is different.

You know this if you are honest with yourself (and us). You need it. You need to stroke and to cum. A lot. Most wives don’t understand just how much and how often we need it. It’s probably because they weren’t raised to know this. If you have a wife who really understands this, you have a treasure. In the meantime the rest of us have to cum by ourselves more than wifey realizes. And because we’ve been jacking off since puberty, it’s very natural for us. There’s that little guilty seasoning of feeling “pathetic” when we jack off as an added bonus. We’re not supposed to masturbate, so the guilty pleasure of doing it adds to the fun. And – big secret – our hand can do stuff for our penis that wifey’s pussy can’t. Like exactly how hard to squeeze, how fast to hump, how deep to “let you in”. Nothing is as wet or soft or warm as wifey’s pussy, but our own hand pussy is more educated in sexy ways to get us off.

I don’t know about all of you, but I know that most of us normal husbands masturbate because we need it and we need it NOW. Wifey is at work or at the store or not in the mood or “the kids” or … well there are a hundred things that keep you from just getting into her pussy when you need to right this minute. And that sexy hand pussy is always ready and waiting.

And there’s the solo, intensely personal and private factors of masturbating too. Sex stuff you just don’t want to share with anyone else. Outwardly, society tells us not to be selfish, yet there is a healthy, physical, need for us husbands to care for ourselves in this way. Personally, I need to goon at times. Sometimes I need to get loud and say nasty things and even just chant my masturbation words while I beat off to my Masturbation Muse. I need also to do some ‘perverted’ things like shove long penis-like objects into my ass, or snap clothes pins on my nipples. I need to see my sperm, too. I need to watch it spurt out of my penis while I am in that bliss of cumming. I need to feel my cum land on my chest or my thighs or drip down my fingers. Some of us need to taste it.

Most wives aren’t into any of that, they weren’t raised to understand or accept those acts. Most of us husbands don’t have the courage to try to explain it, or reveal it or let wifey watch. Mostly wives think “I should be enough for him”. And most husbands don’t have the skill set to let wifey know that there is never enough and that we’d fuck their sisters and their moms (and let them masturbate us) and their friends, and the grocery checker too; and still want to jack off in front of all of them afterwards. It’s what we are hardwired to do. Instead – we masturbate alone. Wifey would be confused and upset if she knew all this, and we’ll never tell.

Do our wives masturbate? Yes. If anything, they masturbate even more than we do. While us men were learning how to jack off, so were they. And if you remember your gang of friends and how they taught you all about jacking off, maybe even having circle jerks, etc. … just realize that your wife had an even more intimate group of girl friends who taught her more about pussy that you will ever know. And their big secret is that since no one ever suspects it, girls learn how to masturbate in public more than boys. They will masturbate together while sitting at the food court in the mall, for chrissake. And yes, they can have feelings of guilt and cults of being “pathetic” jilling women too. They just don’t talk about it to you.

And wifey knows you masturbate. She just does – unless she is a very rare and unknowing soul. She just doesn’t know how much you masturbate because by now you are very good at keeping it hidden. But she can often tell when you’ve masturbated, or if you are going to. Trust me on this.

This is my third marriage. Wifey and I have hardly any secrets because you learn that’s the best policy by the time the third marriage comes around. She has caught me masturbating a few times, but mostly I keep it private because I like keeping it my secret, private act. She is even more secret about herself; but we both know each other’s masturbation habits and routines. I know about her long bathroom “tub soaks” with candles and aromatic bath stuff and her spray shower attachment to squirt water on her clit. I’ve cleaned her glass dildo and replaced batteries in her plastic one. She knows about my dick lube and my Fleshlight and my marathon jack-off sessions in motels on my business trips. (I once told her about how I love to hump a stack of pillows in a motel room.) My porn is on a shelf in the family room. She’s diddled her pussy while I watched and masturbated. She only slightly likes jacking me off and she’s only so-so about watching me make myself cum. But she’s accepting of it. She mostly doesn’t want me to watch her masturbate unless we are into a specific “playtime”. She loves me finger-fucking her, though, (I’m very skilled at it after 55 years of training) and of course she loves me eating her pussy; and she seems to actually enjoy sucking my cock. We’re aging now, we don’t fuck as often. I’m not sure how much she masturbates these days, at work or anywhere else, but I know she does. She doesn’t seem to pay much attention to how much I masturbate these days, either. I guess we’re normal for a past-middle-age couple.

We’re not “normal”, though. I’ve watched her seduce a colleague from work and cuckold me on our living room couch with him while I masturbated in a chair near them. She’s been in the kitchen making party snacks while I’ve fucked her girlfriend in our bedroom. We’ve both confessed to fucking other people.

But my wife doesn’t know I go online for jerk sessions with other men or groups of men, or that I have masturbation phone sessions and cam with guys. She doesn’t know I had a JO bud for several years and that we sucked each other’s dicks and fucked each other in the ass. She doesn’t know about my online sex blogs, although she knows I write and used to sell porn stories. Most of all she doesn’t know that I have a short masturbation every morning after she leaves for work and that most afternoons I get naked and have a long slow solo fuck session with my lube and my toys and my porn dvds on the bedroom TV. I can masturbate and talk to her on the phone without her suspecting. (Most of us married masturbators develop that and other skills.)

A few other thoughts:

You’ve probably heard the statement that “only another woman can really know how to touch another woman and make her cum.” I don’t know about that. Ask your lesbian friends. But I do know that only another man can masturbate me the best. It has to do, I guess, with knowing what a dick feels like. And … I know from experience that for pure sexual feeling, another man’s mouth is usually better than the blowjob a woman will give you.

I’m married, yes, and I love masturbating.


For more like this, join the Onania Masturbator Forum,  a supportive, affirming community of people living with chronic addiction to masturbation. The focus is on our lives as addicted masturbators, and the pleasures / conflicts / impacts related to our compelling habit.

2 thoughts on “Earl Flen: Thoughts on Married Masturbation”

  1. I just began reading Earl Flen”s submissions and as a masturbator myself J find them interesting and inspiring. I certainly look forward to reading all of them. As a masturbator I have been masturbating since I was 12 and I’m now in my mid-eighties. Needless to say I found Earl’s submissions via onania.org/asm which I visit daily. Richard has been instrumental in helping me understand masturbation and that I am an addicted masturbator. It is always encouraging to read postings like Earl’s, to know there are many masturbators out there that are like me.

  2. i’m 78 years old and married (2nd marriage) but i masturbate every day and have been like that since i was young….i don’t have a problem with masturbation , my wife masturbates too but not every day like i do…..she is 61 years old and we have been married for almost 40 years…..she wont have sex with me anymore because i cum too quickly and don’t really give her a chance to enjoy sex…..hopefully her masturbation techniques satisfies her and keeps her away from other men.

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