by johnshade2023 » Wed Jun 28, 2023 6:47 am
About fifteen years ago, before I became solosexual, I was what I considered to be “only slightly submissive” to women, and was romantically involved with a woman younger than myself who was sexually voracious. She loved to have sex literally all the time. We were in a relationship for almost three years, and it was fairly early on that I began subtly confessing my submissive side to her: I asked her to not let me cum until she had had as many orgasms as she wanted; I asked to bathe her and shave her legs; I would sacrifice days and sometimes as much as a week of orgasms to her. She liked it all and seemed to be happy with me.
Occasionally I would find myself alone in her apartment while she was at work or out with friends, and I would go through her underwear drawer, and masturbate with (but never on) them. It was both thrilling and horribly shameful, and therefore irresistible to me. I kept that aspect of my submissiveness to her secret. Then one day, when I was looking through her books, I discovered her diary hidden behind other books on a high shelf.
She’d kept the diary since she was in high school, and it set out all of her sexual encounters, and was amazingly detailed: there were boys’ names with tally marks beside them indicating how often they’d had sex; there were drawings of their penises, there were lists of names with their penis size entered alongside them; there were long entries detailing joyous sexual encounters, and there were entries nearly as detailed setting out her complaints about inadequate partners and experiences.
Near the end of the diary were her most recent entries, and the world around me collapsed as I learned that throughout our relationship she had been having sex regularly with men whom I knew and men I’d never heard of. She was having afternoon sex with a hugely endowed black man, and she’d been having regular sex with a friend of mine who was underendowed in her reckoning. She’d been having sex with her trainer from the gym. She’d been having sex with a friend of mine named Larry with whom she was in a running group and regularly trained with.
There were only a few entries about me: she noted when we first had sex and that we had started “going out” with each other, and she noted when I’d confessed things about myself: despite the fact that she never told me so at the time, she was apparently shocked when I’d told her that I’d had sex with other men occasionally when I was in college. She wrote about how I’d almost caught her and my friend having sex and that he’d had to hide naked in the bathroom once when I came over unexpectedly one afternoon, and that she hustled me out to a coffee shop “because she had cabin fever.” She noted in her diary my penis size when erect (four inches) and also drew a picture of my penis next to another (unidentified) man’s which towered next to mine. Other than those few entries, there was nothing about me.
I was dumbstruck. I was crushed. I was jealous. I was angry. I was astonished to learn that she had a whole secret life away from me. But weirdly, and for the first time in my life, I applied to word “cuck” to myself and was sexually aroused. In the swirl of all those conflicting emotions, I lay on the floor of her apartment and masturbated while I read her diary.
But now what? Confront her? How could I? After all – I was the one who had invaded her privacy and read her diary. Would confessing that and forcing a showdown be what I really wanted?
I put the diary back behind the other books and said nothing when she got home.
Her secret life then became the center of my burgeoning solosexuality, and for the next few months I masturbated furiously to her diary whenever I got the chance. I began to fantasize about her keeping me locked in chastity – and of course I masturbated to that possibility. I would imagine went I went down on her that she had just had sex with another man, and I sometimes would ejaculate hands-free during those times.
I began initiating conversations about penis size, and in particular my penis size, but she never took the bait (or the “bate”) and denigrated my lack in that department, but more and more I wished she would. I wanted to hear her be honest about her preference for larger penises and that my in particular was unsatisfactory to her – which I now suspected was at least partly true, although she later told me (when everything was on the table) that sex with smaller penised guys wasn’t always unsatisfactory, and that it was the “dirtiness” of sexual encounters that turned her on.
The end began like this:
Her everyday routine was to go running with my friend Larry (and, allegedly, their running group) in the mornings, but I soon guessed that they were actually just getting together at his apartment every day to have sex. She would always take a shower immediately upon returning, because what else does one do after a run? But one day when she got home, just after she’d taken off her clothes before showering, I came into the bathroom and hugged her. “I need to lick you now,” I said. “I really need to make you cum right now.” She resisted, said no, no no, but I insisted and led her back to the bed. I buried my face between her legs and inhaled deeply the fragrant musky odor of just-fucked pussy, and it all became clear to me – Larry was a real man and I was a foolish beta male cuckold. I pressed my mouth to her cunt and swooned as I tasted what was unmistakeably another man’s sperm. I lapped up Larry’s semen. My little penis ached with satisfaction. I was in heaven. I couldn’t resist telling her, and my heart was hammering in my chest when I looked up at her after a couple of minutes and said:
“Well, now you and I have another thing in common.”
“We’ve both eaten Larry’s cum.”
She sat bolt upright immediately and said “what are you talking about?”
“Relax, relax, relax, it’s alright. I can taste his cum in you, and I like it. In fact, I love it. Let ME make you cum now. Lie back.”
She looked at me for a second and said nothing. Then she laid back and I went back to licking her spermy pussy. She came harder than she ever had before.
I have to stop now, but there’s more that I’ll post later. I have to masturbate and get to work.