by Michael Ashworth, Ph.D.
June 13, 2007
Oh, the classic masturbation question — how much is too much? Do people who are in a relationship masturbate? Oops, Delilah’s getting carried away here and asking the questions instead of answering them…
More to the point: Individuals vary tremendously in how much they masturbate. Some folks wouldn’t dream of it, while others masturbate two or three times in their lives, and others two or three times a day. (And those aren’t the only options!) There are no deleterious effects of masturbation itself, and it shouldn’t matter whether you’re single or in a relationship.
On the other hand, since you’re worried about how your masturbation may be affecting your relationship with your partner, here are a few things to think about to help you decide if it’s a problem or not:
- How is your health? Has it changed in any way since you increased your masturbation?
- Are you satisfied with your life — career, relationship, friendships — or are you using masturbation as an escape from things that are bothering you?
- Is your penis or clitoris sore or bruised?
- Do you have any problem orgasming or ejaculating alone or with your partner?
- Do you still have sex with your partner? Are you having an amount of sex that you’re both content with?
You see, it’s not about how often you masturbate but about how you’re living the rest of your life. As long as masturbation is a part of your life and not instead of your life, you’re fine. When masturbation becomes an escape from problems in your relationship, or it begins to affect your health, or turn into a substitute for real life experiences, then you should consider slowing down on your stroking and dealing with who and what’s around you.
Ken said: The workshop is like a twelve step program, but without the steps. It was held here at a Sexual Health Center. I did get a lot out of listening to other’s, some were very happy, some were in tears after they spoke. In the end, it lasted four weeks, two times each week, i did learn to “control”. I masterbate about as much as i always did. i just move it around to times when it does not affect my life.Now, when i do jerk off, as i did a few minutes ago, I can enjoy it even more, knowing in my head that what i am doing is not hurting my life, my mind is clear and i able able to totally enjoy the experience. With no guilt. It took me a good 8 months to get it right. There was one or two funny thing’s that also happened there. They served coffee, and we were all sitting there with full bladders, and no one wanted to excuse themselves to go to the washroom. knowing that people would think we wanted to beat the meat. Finallt, one guy said: “Look, if someone wants to come to the washroom with me, and make sure i don’t jerk off, then please do. if not i am going to wet the floor.” About the entire group rushed off to the cans. Twenty men, two urinals, one can. My first time there, i found the instructor/trainer to be such a hunk. i was not listening to him, just thinking of how great it was going to be masterbating with him in my mind after the ssession. This is also where i made some friends. And three of them over the last few years have lost their job’s, family. I hope that they can get back into therapy and get their life back, and begin to truly enjoy the act of masterbation. Continue reading