Last spring, Chad Smalley, 23, convinced his parents to fund a post-university year of “self-discovery” before he entered the job market. Today, some two-thirds of the way through that year, sources are reporting that Smalley’s discoveries have been almost exclusively masturbatory in nature.
“I’ve definitely been learning a lot about myself,” Smalley told reporters from his bedroom in his parents’ suburban home, where he reportedly spends the majority of his time. “For example, before this year, I would never have guessed I would be into butt play.”
“I used to think that was totally gay, but this year has taught me to be more tolerant, and the best way to give yourself a reach-around.”
Smalley’s parents report that they’re cautiously optimistic about their son’s progress.
“He seems a lot less stressed than he was before we agreed to this, which has to be a better place from which to start the job hunt” said mother Lisa, 51. “Also, he’s started doing his own laundry, which never happened before, even on school breaks, so he must be learning some responsibility.”
While Mrs. Smalley was unsure how her son was spending his time, she insisted that he must be working hard, citing the grunting sounds she often heard coming from his basement bedroom.
When asked if the year off was accomplishing the primary goal of leading him to a better career path, Smalley agreed strongly.
“Before this year, I thought I might want to go to law school, maybe even study psychology – something stimulating that could provide a comfortable lifestyle,” Smalley told reporters. “Now I know the biggest requirement for me is solitude, probably working from home,” he concluded.
“That, or an extremely lax approach to personal use of office computers and the availability of single-stall bathrooms in the office.”
via Post-Grad Year Of “Self-Discovery” Primarily Masturbation-Based.
