Once I started masturbating I just couldn’t stop. I suppose it’s like that for a lot of us. In fact, it’s probably like that for just about everyone. But, like just about everything else, some of us do it more than others. At first it was something that I hid. It was pretty obvious that people didn’t talk about it, let alone masturbate in front of others. But then some of the kids in High School started making masturbation jokes. Now it was something to be ashamed of. From the conversation it was pretty obvious that the really cool guys were getting their hands in girls pants. I was just getting my hands in my own pants. But it felt so good I wasn’t about to stop. I developed two personalities. There was my public personality who acted as if he was oblivious to it all. I never brought up the topic of masturbation and I tried my best not to react if it came up. There was always the fear of blushing or somehow being exposed as the masturbator in the group. It never occurred to me that every one else was doing it (except for my brother, who I knew was a masturbator). And there was my private masturbating personality who wanted to beat-off over porn while wearing panties. I did it most every day. A quicky in the bathroom or some serious porn masturbation in the basement whenever I had the opportunity to be alone. But then I went off to college. At first I had a roommate but later I was by myself and this is when I really got into serious masturbation. It was so nice to return to my apartment after class and masturbate all I wanted. No hiding in the basement or bathroom. I just loved to masturbate! And in college there wasn’t the same kind of jokes about masturbation that I had encountered in high school. I didn’t have a lot of money and so I also didn’t have a lot of porn mags, but what I did have I put to good use. I was masturbating for longer and longer periods of time and eventually I decided that I would try to do it for a whole hour. That was quite an accomplishment! Well, now I was an accomplished masturbator. I felt like I had reached a new level. I looked forward to my sessions of self-love. At the same time I was totally inept with women. My lack of heterosexual experience now was more of a source of embarrassment than my solosexual excesses. My public self was a guy without a girlfriend. My private self was an avid masturbator. I figured that this was the only sex that I would ever get. I was like superman. Mild mannered student during the day. But then I would jump into the nearest phone booth (or in my case, my apartment) and rip off my clothes. Unlike superman though, I had no red cape and blue tights underneath. Just naked, but off on another powerful masturbation crusade! Masturbation became a very positive thing for me. And I did eventually have heterosexual encounters, but these were never enough to satisfy my hypersexuality. So I’ve continued to masturbate a lot and my attitude has changed. Along the way I’ve picked up quite a few perverse fantasies. Now I’m into masturbation blogging and from the comments I read I realize that there are those of you out there who enjoy masturbating a lot and reading about it too. My masturbation experiences are now something I broadcast.
Beatin-Off: Masturbation shame and pride
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