I am a masturbator; a very proud and happy one. I love my penis and myself, and I’ve been pleasuring myself now for over 48 years. Ever since that wonderful day in the summer of 1961 when a neighbor boy first introduced me to the joys of masturbation, I’ve been indulging regularly and without shame.
As experts like Betty Dodson tell us, we are all probably our own first lover. Our very first sexual experience is probably with our own hand(s). By accident or through “instruction,” we learn how our bodies work, how they respond to touch and stimulation, and what feels best for us. We learn through masturbation about arousal and orgasm. And, of course, in addition to it being a learning experience, masturbation – like any other form of sexual activity – just plain feels good. So we do it. Simple as that.
Now, as regards one’s attitude toward masturbation, that’s an entirely different discussion. As we know, many people are brought up in this world to have shame and modesty attached to their bodies. They are told that pleasuring themselves is wrong or sinful, and all I can say about that is, it’s just sad. I consider telling a child that it’s wrong to touch themselves for pleasure is as much a form of abuse as physical assault. That’s abusing their mind. It could be causing them mental “damage” that will have serious negative consequences as they mature and try to establish healthy sexual relationships with other adults.
My attitude toward masturbation is totally healthy. I consider masturbation to be as natural an act as breathing, as drinking water. As a healthy human being, I need oxygen, H20 and sexual pleasure. Oh, and of course, some food and rest. But I consider masturbation to be one of my core “needs.”
I consider masturbation to be on an equal plane with other forms of sexual pleasure, such as intercourse and oral. I think in an ideal situation, a person should get a good balance of all three, but that is also totally dependent on whether or not we’re in a relationship or have any kind(s) of sexual partners. Otherwise, masturbation would be someone’s only form of sexual pleasure.
And, there are millions of single people in the world; single by choice, single because they are divorced or widowed, single because of a lack of self-confidence, single because of a physical or mental disability. So, not EVERYONE is going to have a long-term relationship with another person. Simply put, you have to be your own best lover. Any sexual pleasure beyond that is a bonus.
A serious discussion about masturbation has to include one’s habits, which encompass things like frequency, sources of arousal (mental, visual), and technique. I prefer to call them preferences, only because the word preference is totally neutral in its connotation. It suggests only a choice, unlike the word habit, which too often is associated with harmful or distasteful practices. Prefer just means that you like something. Habit often suggests an addiction, compulsion or weakness, and I cannot associate masturbation with any of that. For me, masturbation is a very positive, vitalizing activity. Of those three elements – frequency, arousal and technique, the first is really the most significant. Exactly what arouses you andhow you achieve satisfaction is secondary. Note that I didn’t say the other two were insignificant; it’s just that if you’re a masturbator, what arouses you may have absolutely no stimulation factor for another and the particular technique(s) you use really don’t matter that much. I’m not saying I don’t find arousal and technique interesting, but I’m more concerned with a person’s core philosophy and drives.
Regarding frequency, in the past 48 years, I’ve varied between pleasuring myself several times a day, every day (as an adolescent), to (on average) every third day, and every possibility in between. As an adult, my frequency is most affected by opportunity; my work schedule, my various other obligations and interests. In other words, I’m not totally free to masturbate any time I want or as often as I might want, but I do have some basic preferences and I satisfy them on a fairly regular basis.
As young novice masturbators, most of us pleasured ourselves furtively every chance we got, and for the most part, it was because of the newness of the experience, and we wanted to learn about it and enjoy it as much as possible. And this is totally normal. I’m sure that during my early years, I stroked myself to orgasm 2-3 times a day, almost every day.
As a teen, additional activities and passions occupied my time, but I’m sure I still masturbated almost every night before falling asleep. When I discovered porn and erotic materials, there was a distinct increase in my masturbation activity, and the duration of my pleasure sessions increased as I browsed through magazines, enjoying all the various images of pussies, cocks and couples engaged in sex.
In my 30s – before I had ever heard the word edging - I consciously increased the length of my masturbation sessions as I learned how to control my ejaculations. I began learning how to enjoy the journey, how to sustain myself at the edge of orgasm, and then give myself an ejaculation as the final, ultimate reward.
It was also during this period that I discovered the benefits of lubricants, and how they intensified the sensations in my penis.
By my 40s, I was well on the way to becoming a Master Masterbator, and the length of my sessions went from 30 min. to 45 min. to eventually an hour on average. It became very rare for me have a quickie just for the sensation of ejaculation. Now, I wanted to play my penis like a Stradivarious; enjoying and savoring every sensation.
We’ve probably all heard the hypothetical question,”Can one get too much of a good thing?” My answer to that would be yes, but only in the sense that allowing ones self to build hunger only enhances the eventual satisfaction. For example, I love prime rib, but if I had the opportunity – much less the cash – to eat prime rib every day, I don’t think I would do so. I also love hot, spicy ethnic dishes, but I don’t believe I’d eat them on a daily basis. Having a little abstinence in between just intensifies the eventual gratification, and my life’s schedule provides just enough of that to give my masturbation activities a good balance where the cycle of hunger, anticipation and satiation are concerned.
As regards the overall intensity of one’s passion for masturbation, let us look at other various human passions. Some people are collectors; they accumulate stockpiles of every conceivable item; stamps, coins, guns, dolls, matchboxes, bottle caps, etc. And the ultimate value - much less beauty – of those items is totally in the eye of the beholder. Obviously, people pay outrageous prices for a variety of rare items. As activities go, many people spend almost every available hour engaged in things like hunting, fishing, arts, crafts, reading, you name it. The list is endless. So, in that context, why would masturbation be any different as a passion? It’s something a person enjoys doing, so they do it; without reservation, doubt or shame. I know a man who dedicated an entire room in his home to his favorite football team. Should that be considered unusual? That’s his passion.
So, when I masturbate, I’m engaging in one of my favorite – if not most favorite – passions. I’m loving myself. I’m getting the most that I can out of stimulating my penis. I’m drawing out the pre-orgasmic bliss. When I masturbate, I’m almost totally disconnected from the rest of the world, except for the erotic images I’m viewing. I’m in a sort of sexual trance. I’m meditating. I’m erasing any unpleasant thoughts and exchanging them for pleasant ones. I’m not only giving myself pleasure, I’m giving myself therapy; both physical and mental. There is nothing about that activity which I consider shameful, deviant or abnormal.
If another person chooses to masturbate several times a day, that’s their choice, although I would opt for less frequency and more duration. Less quantity and more quality. Next, I’d like to touch a bit (no pun intended) on the concept of private or shared.
For most people, masturbation is essentially a private activity; perhaps the most personal and secretive thing they do. And while I’ll admit that the majority of my masturbatory activity is private, I thoroughly enjoy sharing it with my wife and – on occasion – other women and/or men. My wife and I enjoy frequent shared masturbations for a number of reasons. First of all, I was fortunate to have married a woman who also enjoys masturbation to a great degree. She was a fervent, young masturbator when I first met her and we quickly made masturbation a part of our total sexual activities. We both enjoy the elements of exhibitionism and voyeurism. We like showing off and we like watching each other. When we masturbate together, we are revealing a part of ourselves that many people do not. We are revealing that we enjoy pleasuring ourselves; that sexual arousal and satisfaction does not have to come exclusively from our partner. We have a right and a desire to pleasure ourselves. Also, we enjoy revealing our most intimate techniques; those moves and strokes that really give us ecstasy. I really wonder how few couples actually enjoy masturbating together? Masturbation is such an exciting, beautiful thing; how could we NOT share that part of ourselves?
In short, I love to masturbate, I love to get the most out of my masturbation, and I hope to enjoy it till the day I die. That is my philosophy.