Does this describe your attempts to stop masturbating?
…The Avoidance Cycle
When it comes to bad habits and addictions, people typically use one primary strategy in their attempt to break free—avoidance through willpower.
When they feel an urge to indulge in unwanted sexual outlets, most individuals who are trying to break free of the behavior, attempt to force the thought or urge out of their mind and avoid the situation. All of us have heard the traditional advice, “You just need to try harder.” This is the worst advice there is because it usually plunges the struggling individual into what we call the Avoidance Cycle.
What happens when you try to force a thought out of your mind? For instance, right now I don’t want you to think about a big, bright, yellow school bus. No matter what, DO NOT think about that bus! Of course, the more you try to fight and keep the image out of your mind, the more it forces its way in. In psychology we call this an intrusive thought. Continually attempting to force the same intrusive thoughts, urges or feelings out of your mind can hopelessly plunge you into the Avoidance Cycle.
In the Avoidance Cycle, the struggling individual fights the sexual thoughts and urges and does everything he can to resist them. But they just continue nagging at him and trying to force their way in. Finally, worn out from the constant battle, he gives in and indulges in the same old sexual outlets. Temporarily, he feels relief—he doesn’t have to fight the urges anymore. But then, after the experience—the “rush”—is over, once again all of the negative emotions set in. He makes a new vow—“That’s the last time I will ever do that!” And he heads in to the Avoidance Cycle all over again.
After years of being trapped in this cycle, many people simply resolve themselves to their sexual habits—“Why bother trying. I’m never going to get past this. I might as well just give in and stop fighting.”