Male Performance Problems in the Swinging Lifestyle

by Betty Rocket

Imagine you’re a man in a room with fifteen other sexy people. All eyes are on you… Now imagine you are nude and have a limp dick.

I can’t imagine there is a single person reading this article that has not experienced sexual performance anxiety at some point in their lives. The pressure of sexual performance increases tenfold when you add other people to your bedroom activities, especially for the male half of a swinger couple. It is not uncommon to find men in the lifestyle who have absolutely no problem standing at attention in the privacy of their own bedrooms with their own woman, but sometimes lose their gusto when in the midst of a tryst with others.

So what are some of the common causes of male performance problems in the Swinger’s Lifestyle? More importantly, what can you do about them? … more

Dysfunction Junction | Male Performance Problems in the Swinging Lifestyle | Kasidie.com, November 2008

a masturbator said:

I have been married for over 27 years to an attractive lady that has
always had a very low sex drive.  We made love only rarely ever since
the beginning so I masturbated a lot. In the beginning she gave me
regular handjobs several time a week. When I failed to get hard for her
she said she didn’t like jerking a limp dick so she began to refuse and
told me to just do myself, so I did. She thinks all guys do it from an
early age. When we would have sex she noticed the vaseline residue on
me and would ask if I had been masturbating. I always said yes and that
was the end of it. I finally began masturbating in front of her in bed
when she said no and refused to make love or even give me handjob. I
masturbate all the time now and we almost never have sex at all. She
doesn’t mind since she never liked it anyway. If we do have sex
together it’s only masturbating now, nothing more. I’m impotent and
can’t get an erection for intercourse or masturbation. I have been
masturbating limp for about 6 years now and edge all day long when I’m
home and she is at work. About once every 2 or 3 months she joins me
and we masturbate together.

masturbators said:

Oh yes! You’re right. The older we get the more time we need to
efficiently regroup and reload. Also I postulate that the way we get
used to ‘getting off’ affects the way we are with our spouses too
and reduces the effectiveness of intercourse over that of
masturbation.
mmmm still it feels good to j/o!
what to do? I try and take time prior to when I want to be with my
wife and not j/o to completion.

——————————————————————————–

I jack for hours looking at ass pics. I love a woman’s asshole. Love
pics of hard cocks too.
Just wanted to add that one thing that I am proud of is that I spent
my entire teen years jacking off. Never had sex at all! Now I’m
hoping that I can ween my wife off of sex so I can have my penis all
to myself again.

More…

Hi, my name is John!

I am 44, and have been a chronic, compulsive masturbator as far back as my memories go. I can remember being 7 years old and putting a hook lock on my bedroom door (I told my mom it was to keep my little sister out) and would spend hours every day stroking my cock even at that age. At age 14 I got hooked on porn (I had an 18 year old friend with an extensive collection I saw just about daily). My addiction has grown every year until where I am at now; it is all that matters in my life, and I love being this way. I have not had sex with my wife in 6 years, as I can only get it up for my hand now. I masturbate throughout the day, including driving and when at work, and when time permits, sometimes for 5 or 6 hours straight without cumming (I love to edge). There are times I jack so much my cock can no longer get hard, but I stroke it limp then. Usually I’m up on Friday and Sat. nights masturbating until the sun comes up.

Masturbating is more important to me than my family or friends. I constantly strive to take my addiction to deeper levels. Porn is like oxygen to me - I can’t live without it. I am in a constant state of lust filled arousal though - even when I am not looking at porn. I love to help others explore and embrace their addiction as well. I love to receive emails and chat in Yahoo messenger with others who share my passion for masturbating, especially those who embrace their addiction and desire to strengthen it. Really enjoy chatting with other married guys, but anyone please feel free to contact me. I’m also hoping that someday I can find someone local to meet in person with.

Well, I guess thats enough for an introduction. I will share more later. I am rock hard right now from reading the posts. Just the word masturbation arouses me!

 from Details Blog on men.style.com#more

Is your secret habit causing your marriage to slip through your fingers?

-By Em & Lo
-Photograph by Massimo Gammacurta

Colin and Mia had been together two years when they hit their first dry spell. "We hadn’t had sex in a few weeks, and one night before bed she asked me how I was dealing with it," says Colin (not his real name), a 38-year-old vice president at a Web start-up in Boston. "I told her I was masturbating," he says. "She asked me where and how." So Colin took a deep breath and told her: at the office, once a week or so, to Internet porn.

Mia (not her real name) freaked out. "She was fuming mad," Colin says. "She couldn’t handle me leaving her out—it made her feel insecure." Mia adds, "Just imagining him there in his office on his own, it seemed like the ultimate act of desperation, something you’d only do if you didn’t have a partner."

… Details Blog on men.style.com#more

an extremely chronic masturbator said:

I mentioned in my introduction that I started masturbating compulsively at age 7. By age 10, when my friends would spend the night, I was begging them to sleep naked so we could jack off together. One or two of them were even nice enough to let me jack and suck them as well. At 14 I had a steady dose of hardcore porn on a daily basis. I knew immediately that porn was all I cared about in life - it was (and is) so glorious. In 8th grade, I masturbated so much during the course of one weekend that the entire underside of my penis was rubbed completely raw (I still have a slight scar there). That did not stop me though, I simply grabbed a soft cloth, wrapped it around my cock and kept stroking. During this time I discovered that the cloth rubbing against the sides of my head caused great pleasure sensations, so to this day I always masturbate with something wrapped around my cock, usually a pair of panties, but even a washcloth will do.

I never even tried to have sex with a girl during high school - my hand was all I needed. As soon as I got out of high school I joined the Marine Corps. At age 18, I found myself stationed not far from LA. On my first weekend there I headed for Hollywood Blvd. I watched 2 porn flicks at the Pussycat Theater. When I came out I was nice and horny, so I picked up a hooker and brought her back to my room. I can still remember so clearly her trying to get my cock hard, to no avail. Here I was at age 18, and already can not get an erection for intercourse! She gave up after about 15 minutes, and then I spent the rest of the night masturbating! Not long after that, I found myself in Europe, watching live sex shows in Germany and Amsterdam. My 18 year old mind thought that I had died and gone to heaven.

At 19 I got married as a virgin. On my wedding night, I was unable to get an erection for my wife (looking back, I find that to be so hot - not even being able to get it up for your wedding night!). We were finally able to consummate our marriage later in the honeymoon after she spent a while giving me a hand job. She moved with me to where I was stationed, and even though I had a very horny, 19 year old newlywed wife waiting for me at home, every day when I got off duty I would head for the peep show booths instead of going home. On several occasions someone would knock on the door to my booth and I would let him in to suck me while I looked at the porn. I’d get home and my wife would want to have sex, and I would get a special thrill as we were screwing knowing that less than 2 hours ago this cock she is enjoying was cumming inside of a perfect stranger’s mouth - usually a middle aged man old enough to be my father! Those daily sessions in the peep show booth were always more special to me than sex with my new wife.

Over the years, I spent many hours in topless & nude bars and peep shows, and always had a huge collection of porn locked in a giant trunk in our attic. I still had sex with my wife on occasion, but I kept my erection by recalling the porn I had filled my mind with. Then the Internet came! What a wonderful tool for masturbators. My addiction grew by leaps and bounds! I have never been happier. Finally, 7 years ago now, I lost all ability to gain an erection for intercourse. Just to be sure it wasn’t something about my wife that turned me off, I arranged motel meetings for sex with other women. For 4 separate women and a couple I could not get an erection. I can’t tell you the wonderful feeling of looking down as a women tries in vain to suck your cock into an erection, finally giving up as the limp, useless noodle falls out of her mouth. Afterwards, I would go home and masturbate for hours recalling the events. Although I cannot have intercourse, my penis always responds to my hand. Just one touch of my hand to my penis brings instant pleasure and a rock hard erection. I have tried masturbating to erection, then having sex, but as soon as it starts to enter the vagina, it goes limp.

I have now been a chronic, compulsive masturbator for 37 years, and extremely addicted to porn for 30 years. I fully embrace and cherish my addiction. I know that even though it is the number one thing in my life, I can always strengthen the desire, and try to do so every day. I routinely edge for 5 or 6 hours straight without stopping, and my goal is to get to 8 hours. I want to spend my days surrounded by porn, never taking my hand off of my cock. That is my desire for the next 30 years.

Males sucked into the Internet porn vortex

… It became a once-a-day habit—one that, these days, Jonathan admits has gotten somewhat out of hand. …He now jokes about the Internet as “the vortex of self-hatred” because of how it can turn mere diversion into a self-destructive act: “I’ll have a ton of papers to grade, but instead I’ll be like, Let’s jerk off to the Internet first. So I go online, but then I despise myself. I look up, and my computer says I’ve been online for 47 minutes and I’m like, What the hell have I been doing?!”

… “I go into the computer lab, right? And I’m looking at it, and there are these girls all around in their little cubicles, and, I don’t know, I want to see if I can reach orgasm right there.” Discreetly, he has managed to succeed in this mission a few times.

“I think part of the thrill is the danger element. It’s like a Portnoy thing,” Jonathan says. It’s an apt allusion, except for one difference: Philip Roth’s chronic masturbator, Alexander Portnoy, was a high-school freshman, not a 33-year-old professor.

…Thanks to the advent of cable modems and DSL connections, it’s now easier than ever to scan lewd material in the privacy of your own home. One minute you’re reading the New York Times, and then two clicks on Google and—oops!—you’re downloading highlights from Jenna Jameson’s oeuvre.

… a 26-year-old businessman friend shocked me by casually remarking, “Dude, all of my friends are so obsessed with Internet porn that they can’t sleep with their girlfriends unless they act like porn stars.”

…“What’s most regrettable is that it can really affect relationships with women. I’ve seen some young men lately who can’t get aroused with women but have no problem interacting with the Internet. I think a big danger is that young men who are constantly exposed to these fake, always-willing women start to have unreal expectations from real women, which makes them phobic about relationships.”….

From Internet Porn - Sex - Relationships - Cover Story - October 20, 2003

RECHARGING? Some scientists wonder if the unconscious erections that occur when a man sleeps might be the bodyÂ?s way of making sure oxygen levels in penile tissue stay high. (istockphoto / August 15, 2008)

Urology clinics have a saying: “Erections make erections.”
In other words, sex is not unlike sports. If you want to be a good tennis player, play lots of tennis; if you want to be a good lover, make lots of love.
This maxim springs more from anecdotal observations than from scientific studies: Men who have erection problems tend not to have much sex, urologists noticed. And those who don’t, have plenty. Then again, anyone with a passing knowledge of the birds and the bees might have guessed as much.
So, which happens first in the use-it-or-lose-it Olympics? In sports as in sex, we like to do what we’re good at doing. Perhaps when some men find that their previous prowess — be it at backhands or erections — isn’t what it used to be, they start sitting out more and more games.

Use it or lose it: Yes, it’s true — South Florida Sun-Sentinel.com

THE PEOPLE’S COMMON SENSE MEDICAL ADVISER (1895) is one of the interesting historical works on the dangers of masturbation. I recommend it to students of society’s views on the subject. This extract is from the Project Gutenberg library. You can get a good flavor for its perspective from this quote:

Untold miseries arise from the pollution of the body. Self-pollution, or onanism, is one of the most prolific sources of evil, since it leads both to the degradation of body and mind. It is practiced more or less by members of both sexes, and the habit once established, is overcome with the greatest difficulty. It is the source of numerous diseases which derange the functional activity of the organs involved, and eventually impair the constitution. This vicious habit is often practiced by those who are ignorant of its dangerous results. Statistics show that insanity is frequently caused by masturbation.

Fig. 2. A Testicle wasted by Masturbation. Masturbation not only occasions loss of semen, but frequently the testicles and other generative organs waste and become reduced in size as a result of the abuse. …Fig. 2 represents one much reduced, as a result of self-abuse. [pg 773]

Note: before proceeding, please be sure you have read the Warning for Satire-Impaired

More…

 Psychology Today: When Men Suffer Low Sex Drive

… It contradicts all the cultural beliefs we have about the way men are and/or are supposed to be, but the dirty little secret is… American men are flagging in their desire for sex.

“Men are so ashamed of speaking up about low sexual desire,” observes Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage therapist from the Chicago area. It violates their own sense of masculinity. But “low desire in men is America’s best-kept secret,” she says, and estimates that it affects “at least 20 to 25%” of adult males.

…

But it strikes terror into the heart of a guy to even think he might not be interested, because his sense of self is usually tied up in his virility. So no one has real information on just how many men are affected.

Nevertheless, there appears to be a great and growing gap between the reality of the current state of male desire and the cultural mythology surrounding it. Men are more and more having it less and less. Weiner-Davis is seeing it among the couples who turn up at her door for help. …